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Introducing:) The on3 and only Hema!Turning 21 soon.Currently studying in SIM-UOL( Economics and Finance)
Three main wishes: First is to die dancing. Second is to live without any regrets and third is to have this family for ever end ever:)
Contact: Hahahhaha, you either have it or you dont:)
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Date: Monday, April 25, 2011 | Time: 7:15 AM
When the whole world starts crumbling around you, the least you can do is to let the tears flow and hold on tight to your confidence. Everyone has dreams that they are able to attain. Why is it that I cant dream?
I am missing my attha really badly. I still need you to teach me and guide me. It has been a decade but I still miss you like crazy. Am I doing the right thing? Should I continue on this journey? Give me a sign, any sign attha, so I will know what to do.
Days like this never seem to cease but I guess I will hold on and fight. Hasn't my whole life been a struggle and haven't I always managed to merge triumphant? This is just another battle and I hope I can get through it.
★ Aint about the money at all;)
Date: Thursday, April 7, 2011 | Time: 4:51 AM
I always have an urge to blog whenever I have a new realisation dawning upon me. I guess we have all heard and read and watched all those busy businessmen who realised that time is short and finally come to their senses at the end of the movie or book. Because it does not actually happen in real life. Sure, people will go around claiming that love makes the world go around, blah blah blah but no one, not even those who claim it and believe in it, stop to live life. We all chase after something in our lives, we chase after money, jobs, education qualifications but we never seem to chase after time. Time, as our teachers so rightly put it, cannot be bought nor sold. I cannot do a transaction with time and if I deposited it into the bank, it will not grow. Time is extremely precious, so much more valuable than gold, credit cards, cars, condominiums. It cannot be presented. However, it can be shared and it is very important who we share it with.
I used to be a softie, someone who cries very easily and I probably had a million fears. I didnt like speaking up, said yes to everyone and aimed to please. circumstances changed and things happened and I told myself that I have to toughen up. I got rid of my fears except for the niggling one that is cats, started becoming really sarcastic- up to the point where I irritate the shit out of my mother, said no to everything and everyone and stopped aiming to please anyone but me. Call it a rebellion, call it selfish, even I am not sure what and why that happened. The effects were tremendous- I was funny, witty, cool and someone not to be messed with. I am not going to lie, I loved being like that, it was so much more easier living for myself than living for everyone else. Without a care to what people think of me, what they would feel when I said something hurtful. Wearing short dresses with plunging necklines because my friends were doing so and whenever I wore something conservative, they giggling and talking behind my back. Forgetting my attha's words of wisdom so that I can blend in. Wanting to look attractive and feel sexy. Probably all that is alright, I am not sure. I am human after all, with my flaws. I have no right to judge anyone, I have just realised that. I changed - I used to think for the better. I started on my quest to earn more money, everything started to be placed into neat columns. I earned this much, this amount has to be saved, this amount has to be used to help Ma. I am not ashamed of it any longer. For someone who used to get everything with a snap of her finger, the economic recession hit my family really hard a few years back. My father lost his job, none of my friends knew about it. My friends are the sort who scoff if my shorts are not the proper size or if I am not as skinny as them so I doubt they would have stood by me. I grew up then, more than my nineteen years of life. I learnt that money meant everything in this world, there were days when Nandhini and I had to live off biscuits at times. I vowed to myself that I would never let such a situation hit my sister again, she is my baby sister after all. I guess that is when I toughened up. I had to, I was left with no choice. I learned more about me during those hard times. I had no one to lean to, no one to cry to so I forced the tears back in and became hard. Probably the change is for the better but somewhere along the process, I lost myself. I lost the uniqueness that was Hema. I lost the will to give and help out. I became cynical about everything and everyone around me. I got angry when people around me were able to own things, when I cant even get a blouse worth ten dollars. Me, the girl who never ever used to value materialistic things, became the woman who wanted these material possessions. Me, the girl who was always willing to help, became the woman who only helped when there was something to be gained from. Me, the girl who used to love in abundance, became the woman who was wary of the love she gave and received.
Then that woman came across a book today and realised that what she used to think was the right one. I may not have a set of rich parents but I have a pair who loves me for who I am, a father who still hugs me as if I am still two and collects my vomit in his hands( when I really could not control), a mother who fights with anyone who just jokes that we took something and tucks us in bed still. I may not have an iphone but I have a wacky sister who has to keep up with my nonsense and who keeps me awake throughout the night playing silly make believe games. I may not have travelled much but I have a cousin who insists that I should be made her godmother, a sitthi who calls all the way from Australia at twelve in the night to ask the green pea porridge recipe. I may not have a driving license but I have an uncle who drives all the way fromTampines to drop me back at Yishun, without any complaints. I may not have a HUGE group of friends but I have a handful who goes the way out to make me feel better. I may not have gotten into the best uni and doing a double degree but I have a nephew who thinks I am God and that the ground that I walk on is gold. I may not have dined at some high class restaurant but I know how to whip up a wonderful batch of chocolate cookies and excellent spaghetti sauce.
So yeah, in terms of monetary possessions, I may be a zero. But when it comes to love, I think I am the richest girl out there.
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Date: Sunday, December 26, 2010 | Time: 6:13 AM
Christmas this year was simply awesome. I am so glad that I initiated the whole idea and went a step ahead to plan it. Sure, we did not have roast turkey and stuffing, chocolate fondue and tiramisu cake. In place of all that, we had the REAL Christmas spirit, the joy of giving and the mere love that can only be truly embraced by family. Or people who love us regardless of anything.
Sometimes, at this time of the year is the period when we have to sit down and really think of what we have attained for the year and what we would like to achieve for the following year. Unfortunately, these achievements are not just a degree, a milestone overtaken or anything academic. These attainments should also be spiritual and from the heart. For every girl out there, it should be that friendship should always come before love. If there is one lesson that I really learned this year is that you cannot truly trust anyone but yourself. Relationships are like sandcastles. Regardless of the time and effort that we put in to produce a sandcastle, the waves are bound to destroy it, at any one point of time. Relationships crumble like sandcastles. It is up to us if we want to hold on to it. Relationships should either be treasured or if it threatens to hurt us any way, it should be destroyed immediately. What is the purpose of hurting yourself? Cleansing of the heart is of utmost importance, it should not be treated like a dump, where we place all sorts of emotions in it. We are human for a reason, we are different from every other species because we are able to feel. Unfortunately, though, we tend to use our mind more than our hearts at times. I have been guilty of that many times throughout this year. I should change that.
I used to tell my sister that betrayal is the worst crime that can ever be committed. So Nandhini, whatever and whoever who betrayed, please throw them out of your life. Because they are not worth thinking of.
On a last note, almost a week before the start of a brand new year, with new dreams to be realized, new bonds to be forged and new lessons to be learned!:);)
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Date: Thursday, December 16, 2010 | Time: 6:05 AM
CHRISTMAS IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I am finally back to my normal self!!!!!!! I started gymming again, like finally and it felt sooooo GOOD! Though I curse my luck that I have to work hard to be fit, and not just be slim like everyone else, the feeling of attainment when I reach my goal at the time is priceless. I have to work that time for my milestone that is to take place next year. I have realized that I have been very very complacent and lazy. No other word to use. Its about time to pull my socks and start working hard. Like how I used to work when I badly want to achieve something. That drive and passion has to, and I mean, has to, build up within me AGAIN. I will do anything to get that fight in me back. New Year's resolution one. Lol;P
I love the feeling when you get to tell random strangers 'Merry Christmas!' and see their faces light up with the shock and joy from it. I love spreading joy!!!! One thing that I am very good at- if I want it to be;)
Nandhini thinks that I am crazy but hey, like what I always say, whats life without a little craze?
She also said that she respects the fact that if I truly love someone, I can go the extra mile, climb the extra mountain and swim against the strongest current but if anyone gets in my wrong books, thats it. I throw that someone from my heart for good and think nothing of them and the memories they helped to create. Probably thats why so many people call me by my pet name. Hahahahahaha:)
By the way, to all my readers and friends, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!Have a extra cookie on me:):)
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Date: Tuesday, December 7, 2010 | Time: 8:34 PM
Many many things have happened during the course of my absence from blogging. School has started and I have finally started studying or attempting to study, started on thillana for my arangetram, took up a new tuition assignment, completely STOPPED exercising so now I look like a mini beach whale. Which reminds me that I have to START exercising soon, like real soon but the weather is so nice for good nap or a cuddle and watch a movie night. How can I get my mind to exercise and sweat? Well, guess we all have to make some sort of sacrifice when it comes to looking good. Or maybe I should just stop gorging myself with food but then I cant because I love food so much! Muhahahahhaha:):) Well, Christmas is around the corner and Nandhini and I have managed to get rid of the bad and bring in the good. * hint hint* And its time for Christmas cookies, roast lamb, log cake, Christmas pudding, presents and loads and loads of love!!!!!!! I love this time of the year, its really merry. Only problem? It make me feel lazy and my body and mind just wants to shut down and plan parties. Ah guess we cant have everything. Off to school now for some econometrics! Ciao;)
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Date: Tuesday, August 3, 2010 | Time: 9:14 PM
Ah, finally I have decided to blog again. Life has been pretty good I guess. I am going to be very philosophical in this post so bear with me.After China, I had another opportunity to participate in the Bali Arts Festival, which was a collaboration between the Bali artists and artists from Bhaskar's Arts Acacdemy. I was proud to have been chosen because I personally feel that I have so much more to learn and master when it comes to dance. Nevertheless, this trip was an eye-opener for me. I learnt many many things, but not just from dance but from the circumstances, situations and people around me. I found myself in the process and though I might not be perfect, I realised that I, too, have certain strengths that are special. And that through each individual's strength, we are able to bloom and become our own better person. ' Bloom where you are planted'. My secondary school English teacher used to continuously say this. I believe in this but I personally feel that before you can even bloom, you have to understand yourself and embrace both your strengths and weaknesses. After all, it is BOTH that makes up you, not just one or the other.I have realised that my greatest strength is my mind and the mere fact that I do not fear anything. I am apprehensive about new situations but am willing to dip my foot in and test the waters, be it murky or not. This may be because all my life I had to prove myself and work hard to get even the slightest result. I am not complaining, it is this that made me all the more stronger. There are some who think that everything comes easily to me but they do not realise the amount of physical, mental and emotional work that I put in to attain that. It is true, you need to put your heart, mind and soul into whatever you are doing. I am glad that I have been taught that. I am not a quitter, I have also realised that. Whenever I feel that I am getting fat, I have never thought of dieting( contrary to popular belief) but have always pushed myself to exercise. Along the course, I grew to love it. Now, I am almost a triathlete. I run, swim and dance. Heheheh;)Life is a challenge. It may seem difficult but I think it is how you view it that ultimately decides how it is going to turn out to be. The more positive energy you give, even when all the obstacles are thrown at you, you will be able to come out strong. Someone once told me that I will remember how I got up once I have fallen more vividly than the attainments that I have achieved without much work. They were right. I might have some regrets about some of the decisions I have taken along my life path but those were mistakes. And how can we possibly learn without making mistakes?This post is in sharp contrast to the previous one, I know:) And I honestly think I should be writing motivational books. Someone will come along, read this and start doing it even before I do but I am used to it. And like I say frequently, I dont care anymore. :)
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Date: Monday, July 26, 2010 | Time: 10:55 PM
Everyone wants me to update my blog so I shall do them the favours.Hehehehe:) Whatever content there is in my blog is my opinion and it is subjected to each individual. You don't read my blog and go whining to whoever and whatever that I called you a bitch or something of that sort. Because this is MY blog and MY viewpoints. If you have a problem with it, you take it up with me like a PROPER WOMAN. You don't go crying and whining to your knight in shining armour. Sheesh, I forgot. Not all women are as strong so I guess I cant blame you for your weakness. Well, let me enlighten everyone about this really bad weakness that I have. I can be a real mean bitch once my peak has been reached. And no points for anyone who have guessed that that particular summit has been attained at the current point. Anyways, I am trying to be a better person so I don't give a shit about what you are up to. Unfortunately, it is MY SISTER that we are dealing with now and though, she will eventually forgive AND forget, I will never do so. Guess I am not such a divine person after all. But who cares? Amidst the girls who just think of being in a relationship and breaking up friendships, I think I am a step ahead. I will never let A GUY come between the friendships that matter. So Nandhini, I am sorry to say that both parties did not value your friendship much. I think it is about time you STOP giving second chances and give YOURSELF a break. This is all just too much unwanted stress in yourself. We have much better things to achieve in life. Unless you INSIST that you badly need them in your life, I cant do anything much about it. Its your call, after all its your LIFE. But as Pam said, you DESERVE MUCH MUCH BETTER. I am sorry if I have influenced you in any way but yeah, you do DESERVE MUCH MUCH BETTER. But then again, its your decision. Its your life after all. On a brighter note, MY SPAIN CARRIED THE WORLD CUPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!:)