MoOnGoDdess

2011-04-25T07:15:00.001-07:00

When the whole world starts crumbling around you, the least you can do is to let the tears flow and hold on tight to your confidence. Everyone has dreams that they are able to attain. Why is it that I cant dream?

I am missing my attha really badly. I still need you to teach me and guide me. It has been a decade but I still miss you like crazy. Am I doing the right thing? Should I continue on this journey? Give me a sign, any sign attha, so I will know what to do.

Days like this never seem to cease but I guess I will hold on and fight. Hasn't my whole life been a struggle and haven't I always managed to merge triumphant? This is just another battle and I hope I can get through it.

Aint about the money at all;)

2011-04-07T04:51:00.001-07:00

I always have an urge to blog whenever I have a new realisation dawning upon me. I guess we have all heard and read and watched all those busy businessmen who realised that time is short and finally come to their senses at the end of the movie or book. Because it does not actually happen in real life. Sure, people will go around claiming that love makes the world go around, blah blah blah but no one, not even those who claim it and believe in it, stop to live life. We all chase after something in our lives, we chase after money, jobs, education qualifications but we never seem to chase after time. Time, as our teachers so rightly put it, cannot be bought nor sold. I cannot do a transaction with time and if I deposited it into the bank, it will not grow. Time is extremely precious, so much more valuable than gold, credit cards, cars, condominiums. It cannot be presented. However, it can be shared and it is very important who we share it with.

I used to be a softie, someone who cries very easily and I probably had a million fears. I didnt like speaking up, said yes to everyone and aimed to please. circumstances changed and things happened and I told myself that I have to toughen up. I got rid of my fears except for the niggling one that is cats, started becoming really sarcastic- up to the point where I irritate the shit out of my mother, said no to everything and everyone and stopped aiming to please anyone but me. Call it a rebellion, call it selfish, even I am not sure what and why that happened. The effects were tremendous- I was funny, witty, cool and someone not to be messed with. I am not going to lie, I loved being like that, it was so much more easier living for myself than living for everyone else. Without a care to what people think of me, what they would feel when I said something hurtful. Wearing short dresses with plunging necklines because my friends were doing so and whenever I wore something conservative, they giggling and talking behind my back. Forgetting my attha's words of wisdom so that I can blend in. Wanting to look attractive and feel sexy. Probably all that is alright, I am not sure. I am human after all, with my flaws. I have no right to judge anyone, I have just realised that. I changed - I used to think for the better. I started on my quest to earn more money, everything started to be placed into neat columns. I earned this much, this amount has to be saved, this amount has to be used to help Ma. I am not ashamed of it any longer. For someone who used to get everything with a snap of her finger, the economic recession hit my family really hard a few years back. My father lost his job, none of my friends knew about it. My friends are the sort who scoff if my shorts are not the proper size or if I am not as skinny as them so I doubt they would have stood by me. I grew up then, more than my nineteen years of life. I learnt that money meant everything in this world, there were days when Nandhini and I had to live off biscuits at times. I vowed to myself that I would never let such a situation hit my sister again, she is my baby sister after all. I guess that is when I toughened up. I had to, I was left with no choice. I learned more about me during those hard times. I had no one to lean to, no one to cry to so I forced the tears back in and became hard. Probably the change is for the better but somewhere along the process, I lost myself. I lost the uniqueness that was Hema. I lost the will to give and help out. I became cynical about everything and everyone around me. I got angry when people around me were able to own things, when I cant even get a blouse worth ten dollars. Me, the girl who never ever used to value materialistic things, became the woman who wanted these material possessions. Me, the girl who was always willing to help, became the woman who only helped when there was something to be gained from. Me, the girl who used to love in abundance, became the woman who was wary of the love she gave and received.

Then that woman came across a book today and realised that what she used to think was the right one. I may not have a set of rich parents but I have a pair who loves me for who I am, a father who still hugs me as if I am still two and collects my vomit in his hands( when I really could not control), a mother who fights with anyone who just jokes that we took something and tucks us in bed still. I may not have an iphone but I have a wacky sister who has to keep up with my nonsense and who keeps me awake throughout the night playing silly make believe games. I may not have travelled much but I have a cousin who insists that I should be made her godmother, a sitthi who calls all the way from Australia at twelve in the night to ask the green pea porridge recipe. I may not have a driving license but I have an uncle who drives all the way fromTampines to drop me back at Yishun, without any complaints. I may not have a HUGE group of friends but I have a handful who goes the way out to make me feel better. I may not have gotten into the best uni and doing a double degree but I have a nephew who thinks I am God and that the ground that I walk on is gold. I may not have dined at some high class restaurant but I know how to whip up a wonderful batch of chocolate cookies and excellent spaghetti sauce.

So yeah, in terms of monetary possessions, I may be a zero. But when it comes to love, I think I am the richest girl out there.

2010-12-26T06:13:00.000-08:00

Christmas this year was simply awesome. I am so glad that I initiated the whole idea and went a step ahead to plan it. Sure, we did not have roast turkey and stuffing, chocolate fondue and tiramisu cake. In place of all that, we had the REAL Christmas spirit, the joy of giving and the mere love that can only be truly embraced by family. Or people who love us regardless of anything.

Sometimes, at this time of the year is the period when we have to sit down and really think of what we have attained for the year and what we would like to achieve for the following year. Unfortunately, these achievements are not just a degree, a milestone overtaken or anything academic. These attainments should also be spiritual and from the heart. For every girl out there, it should be that friendship should always come before love. If there is one lesson that I really learned this year is that you cannot truly trust anyone but yourself. Relationships are like sandcastles. Regardless of the time and effort that we put in to produce a sandcastle, the waves are bound to destroy it, at any one point of time. Relationships crumble like sandcastles. It is up to us if we want to hold on to it. Relationships should either be treasured or if it threatens to hurt us any way, it should be destroyed immediately. What is the purpose of hurting yourself? Cleansing of the heart is of utmost importance, it should not be treated like a dump, where we place all sorts of emotions in it. We are human for a reason, we are different from every other species because we are able to feel. Unfortunately, though, we tend to use our mind more than our hearts at times. I have been guilty of that many times throughout this year. I should change that.

I used to tell my sister that betrayal is the worst crime that can ever be committed. So Nandhini, whatever and whoever who betrayed, please throw them out of your life. Because they are not worth thinking of.

On a last note, almost a week before the start of a brand new year, with new dreams to be realized, new bonds to be forged and new lessons to be learned!:);)

2010-12-16T06:05:00.000-08:00

CHRISTMAS IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I am finally back to my normal self!!!!!!! I started gymming again, like finally and it felt sooooo GOOD! Though I curse my luck that I have to work hard to be fit, and not just be slim like everyone else, the feeling of attainment when I reach my goal at the time is priceless. I have to work that time for my milestone that is to take place next year. I have realized that I have been very very complacent and lazy. No other word to use. Its about time to pull my socks and start working hard. Like how I used to work when I badly want to achieve something. That drive and passion has to, and I mean, has to, build up within me AGAIN. I will do anything to get that fight in me back. New Year's resolution one. Lol;P

I love the feeling when you get to tell random strangers 'Merry Christmas!' and see their faces light up with the shock and joy from it. I love spreading joy!!!! One thing that I am very good at- if I want it to be;)

Nandhini thinks that I am crazy but hey, like what I always say, whats life without a little craze?
She also said that she respects the fact that if I truly love someone, I can go the extra mile, climb the extra mountain and swim against the strongest current but if anyone gets in my wrong books, thats it. I throw that someone from my heart for good and think nothing of them and the memories they helped to create. Probably thats why so many people call me by my pet name. Hahahahahaha:)

By the way, to all my readers and friends, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!Have a extra cookie on me:):)

2010-12-07T20:34:00.000-08:00

Many many things have happened during the course of my absence from blogging. School has started and I have finally started studying or attempting to study, started on thillana for my arangetram, took up a new tuition assignment, completely STOPPED exercising so now I look like a mini beach whale. Which reminds me that I have to START exercising soon, like real soon but the weather is so nice for good nap or a cuddle and watch a movie night. How can I get my mind to exercise and sweat? Well, guess we all have to make some sort of sacrifice when it comes to looking good. Or maybe I should just stop gorging myself with food but then I cant because I love food so much! Muhahahahhaha:):)

Well, Christmas is around the corner and Nandhini and I have managed to get rid of the bad and bring in the good. * hint hint* And its time for Christmas cookies, roast lamb, log cake, Christmas pudding, presents and loads and loads of love!!!!!!! I love this time of the year, its really merry. Only problem? It make me feel lazy and my body and mind just wants to shut down and plan parties. Ah guess we cant have everything. Off to school now for some econometrics! Ciao;)

2010-08-03T21:14:00.000-07:00

Ah, finally I have decided to blog again. Life has been pretty good I guess. I am going to be very philosophical in this post so bear with me.

After China, I had another opportunity to participate in the Bali Arts Festival, which was a collaboration between the Bali artists and artists from Bhaskar's Arts Acacdemy. I was proud to have been chosen because I personally feel that I have so much more to learn and master when it comes to dance. Nevertheless, this trip was an eye-opener for me. I learnt many many things, but not just from dance but from the circumstances, situations and people around me. I found myself in the process and though I might not be perfect, I realised that I, too, have certain strengths that are special. And that through each individual's strength, we are able to bloom and become our own better person. ' Bloom where you are planted'. My secondary school English teacher used to continuously say this. I believe in this but I personally feel that before you can even bloom, you have to understand yourself and embrace both your strengths and weaknesses. After all, it is BOTH that makes up you, not just one or the other.

I have realised that my greatest strength is my mind and the mere fact that I do not fear anything. I am apprehensive about new situations but am willing to dip my foot in and test the waters, be it murky or not. This may be because all my life I had to prove myself and work hard to get even the slightest result. I am not complaining, it is this that made me all the more stronger. There are some who think that everything comes easily to me but they do not realise the amount of physical, mental and emotional work that I put in to attain that. It is true, you need to put your heart, mind and soul into whatever you are doing. I am glad that I have been taught that.

I am not a quitter, I have also realised that. Whenever I feel that I am getting fat, I have never thought of dieting( contrary to popular belief) but have always pushed myself to exercise. Along the course, I grew to love it. Now, I am almost a triathlete. I run, swim and dance. Heheheh;)

Life is a challenge. It may seem difficult but I think it is how you view it that ultimately decides how it is going to turn out to be. The more positive energy you give, even when all the obstacles are thrown at you, you will be able to come out strong. Someone once told me that I will remember how I got up once I have fallen more vividly than the attainments that I have achieved without much work. They were right. I might have some regrets about some of the decisions I have taken along my life path but those were mistakes. And how can we possibly learn without making mistakes?

This post is in sharp contrast to the previous one, I know:) And I honestly think I should be writing motivational books. Someone will come along, read this and start doing it even before I do but I am used to it. And like I say frequently, I dont care anymore. :)

2010-07-26T22:55:00.000-07:00

Everyone wants me to update my blog so I shall do them the favours.Hehehehe:) Whatever content there is in my blog is my opinion and it is subjected to each individual. You don't read my blog and go whining to whoever and whatever that I called you a bitch or something of that sort. Because this is MY blog and MY viewpoints. If you have a problem with it, you take it up with me like a PROPER WOMAN. You don't go crying and whining to your knight in shining armour. Sheesh, I forgot. Not all women are as strong so I guess I cant blame you for your weakness. Well, let me enlighten everyone about this really bad weakness that I have. I can be a real mean bitch once my peak has been reached. And no points for anyone who have guessed that that particular summit has been attained at the current point.

Anyways, I am trying to be a better person so I don't give a shit about what you are up to. Unfortunately, it is MY SISTER that we are dealing with now and though, she will eventually forgive AND forget, I will never do so. Guess I am not such a divine person after all. But who cares? Amidst the girls who just think of being in a relationship and breaking up friendships, I think I am a step ahead. I will never let A GUY come between the friendships that matter. So Nandhini, I am sorry to say that both parties did not value your friendship much. I think it is about time you STOP giving second chances and give YOURSELF a break. This is all just too much unwanted stress in yourself. We have much better things to achieve in life. Unless you INSIST that you badly need them in your life, I cant do anything much about it. Its your call, after all its your LIFE. But as Pam said, you DESERVE MUCH MUCH BETTER. I am sorry if I have influenced you in any way but yeah, you do DESERVE MUCH MUCH BETTER. But then again, its your decision. Its your life after all.

On a brighter note, MY SPAIN CARRIED THE WORLD CUPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!:)

2010-02-28T05:46:00.000-08:00

It is going to be ten and here I am feeling like it has already hit midnight. I had a really really long day where I literally spent every waking moment at NASty. I am not complaining, I feel the most alive when I am at that place. Anways, going out of track here.

They had somewhat of a memorial for Santhosh sir today at six. Many people were gathered to celebrate this gentleman's attributes and strengths. Not only was he a talented artist, he was also a great man who meant alot to his students. I could see that as many of his mridangam students were gathered. I think, as a guru and as a man, he has touched many lives. Though I was not presented with the opportunity to get to know him better, from what I know of him, I think he was a wonderful man and that he will continue to live in the music around us. I pray that wherever he is now, that he will no longer be suffering and I sincerely hope that he will be looking down on us, blessing us with his spirit and love.

Which brings me to what I actually wanted to blog about. Why do we not want to tell the people we truly love, we love you enough? Why is that we only recognize their true value when they are no longer around us physically? Attha has been gone from my life for the past eight odd years but I still miss her like crazy. All I have now are the memories we had together. So I guess I would just like to say that try to spend as much valuable time with your loved ones as possible. Though I know it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to spend much in Singapore, where work or school takes up most of our time, I think we should try to make time. And I should be doing what I am preaching. I think I am going to try to fit in "rest time" under my extremely hectic schedule. And then, I will be able to spend more time with my loved ones. Before it is too late.

Like what Kris Allen rightly sang, " We've gotta live like we're dying". Cos we will never know when our death is gonna come. So might as well make the most of whatever time we have:)

2010-02-25T19:39:00.000-08:00

I know I have not been blogging for a very long time. I can simply lie and say that I was too busy and that I had no time to blog but I am kinda sick of lies and hypocrisy at the current moment so I will just come out with the truth and say that I was not interested in blogging. And the crave to write overwhelmed me so much yesterday that I had trouble sleeping. Tossing and turning in my super comfortable bed. So here, I am all poised to pen down my thoughts. You know how teachers used to say that writing down your feelings helps you to vent out all sorts of and feelings and emotions out. At that moment, we will be cursing the teachers and thinking how the hell does writing it down aid in the relieving of stress but as we grow and the intensity of our problems increases with time, we somehow realise that penning down the feelings does help to reduce our very own stress level.

How will you feel when you think your entire world is tumbling down on you? When you feel that the comfortable fortress that you have built for yourself is threatening to collapse on you? I think we all will expect to feel anxious, depressed and forlorn. But the thing is, why do we in the first place built that comfortable fortress around us? Why do we keep on wrapping ourselves with the blanket called the comfort zone? Why do we not dare to step out of it? Why are there are so many self-guide books trying to guide us to be daring, to venture out and find out who we are? What can they possibly know about us that we ourselves do not know? I think the answer simply lies in the fact that we lie even to ourselves. We deny our flaws and our mistakes. When we commit any mistake, we tend to act as if its not our mistake and that everyone else is doing it, EXCEPT you. How can we then learn to be a better being when we have not even learned to accept ourselves as who we are, as individuals? How can we expect another being to love us for who we are when we ourselves are not able to embrace and love who we are?

Therefore, the first step is to accept you for who you are and not give excuses to what you have not achieved. Even I used to do that but then, when I lay at night pondering about it, why do I do it? Why do I lie to people about my failures? Why am I not courageous enough to own up to my mistakes and learn from it? I will be turning 21 in another two months, give or take, and I have realized that I have not achieved anything that is worthy of recognition. I am not blogging this here because I am feeling low and need motivation. Believe me, I have never felt more driven and motivated to achieve something. At least I have learned to accept my flaws and embrace my strengths.

I have accepted the fact that though people say that the blood beneath the skin is red, men and Indian men at that will always go for fair skin. I have accepted the fact that though people say that inner beauty is what is important, in this superficial world, outer beauty will always be valued more. I have accepted the fact that though people might be jealous of someone else for some thing or another, they will never ever be willing to admit it. I have accepted the fact that one of my greatest strengths lies in the mere notion that I am able to face the person and say that I envy the person for something. I am not sure if that makes me superior but it certainly makes me feel good from within that I am not wearing a mask to hide my true hide and feelings. I have accepted the fact that stereotypes will never cease to exist and that the demand for oriental beauty will never decrease. I have accepted the fact that I might not be the genius my family thinks I am but at least I know that Singapore will always suffer from imported inflation and that cancer is the most incurable disease ever cause it is uncontrollable cell division. I have accepted the fact that I am not beautiful on the outside but that I will always be beautiful on the inside because I know when to give up my seat to someone who needs it more. I have accepted the fact that I will NEVER EVER be able to put on gorgeous make up but I will be able to fix a bulb that has fused and fix a banister that has broken. I will never be able to do up my own hair and look presentable but I will look pretty presentable when I am on the treadmill, running my 5km.

It takes guts for you to say that you are good at something. At the same time, it takes guts to say that you are not that good at something too. I think I have finally developed some guts to admit that I am not that good at things too. And that alone, in my opinion, is one of the most worthwhile achievements that I have attained;)

2009-07-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

Let me start by stating the obvious fact: I think this year has been great for ME, as an individual. First Shanghai then this!

This tops all my other best days....Hehehehe. Guess what?

I went to the LIVERPOOL'S MATCH!!!!!!!!!!! And it was SUPER, SUPER , SUPER Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pammy and Sylo followed me to the match. I loved the atmosphere around the stadium. It was brilliant and contagious! The fans were ultra great!!!!!!! I especially loved the part where we all started to chant, " We want Torres!" Hahahaha, that felt SUPER good!And he actually came to the field about ten minutes after that!!!!!!!!!! Great, now my heart is thumping hard!* giggles* And played for a solid half an hour and scored a goal. He could have easily scored a hat trick but he kept on missing. But, I am not complaining! Heehe. I actually got the chance to see my FERNANDO TORRES score and I could CHEER my heart out for him. Hahaha. Of course, gave him a standing ovation:) Lols.

They scored 5-0! Hahahaha, but could have easily been 6 or 7 to nil. I think they felt pity for the Singapore players. I am such a horrible Singaporean but hey, given the chance, I will fly off to somewhere:)

Irony of the whole match was that while the Singaporeans were busily cheering on their beloved Liverpool, the foreigners were rooting for Singapore. Talk about ironic loyalties;)

YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE!

2009-07-19T21:37:00.001-07:00

God, Jesus. I really have not been updating though I have had all the time in the world possible. Jeez, I am becoming lazier than my norm. Ah, well......

Shanghai Trip was a BLAST! I have realised that the time of lifestyle that I WANT and DESIRE is to travel. God, it is such a wondrous feeling!!!!!!!!! I love everything about travelling, especially the part where you book into the hotel, make all the mess you want to make and then have someone clean up after you, EVERY OTHER DAY! Hehehe, and the part where you DUN have to feel guilty about it.

We were a hit! As in the Indian dances were something like the highlight of the entire show! It felt great, getting up on stage and performing. Second thing that I want to continue doing forever in my life is PERFORMING! Or to be more exact, DANCING! At least, I know that is and has always been my dying passion!!!!!! No more stage fright! Hehhe. And there are loads more performances lined up for this year and I CANNOT WAIT FOR MORE TO COME BY!
Shit, I have to choreograph Dola re. Okayy, must keep that in mind. * grinns*

I tried something new too! How many ppl can actually say that their first clubbing experience was in Shanghai, China? Well, I can say that!! Heheheh. It was ..... a.....

MARVELLOUS EXPERIENCE!

I loved it:)

Hahaha, thats it. I guess. Photos are up on facebook if you wanna see....

Final words before I sign out,

Guys are even greater jerks that I have given them credit for.

I hate them even more NOW.

Lols, thats it, I guess. Ciao.

2009-07-07T06:42:00.000-07:00

My blog has been collecting cobwebs and dust. I can literally see the trail of spiders along the skin. God, I have been a horrible blogger and sooooo many things have happened since.

1. I will be flying off to Shangai this Thursday, together with my dance school. 5 dancers were chosen and we are representing Singapore in some international Kids' Festival. Laselle, Republic Poly Drama and Act 3 international are part of the entourage.

2. Everyone has gotten their boarding passes EXCEPT for me.Guess how that makes me feel.
Edgy?
Panicked?
Nervous?
If you have guessed any of the above, you have guessed right;)

3. I am performing for National Day Parade as well and my Saturdays are getting swallowed whole. As in LITERALLY! Grrrr.....

4. I appeared on Tamil News for the Shangai Trip and realised that my mother tongue has gone down the draiiinnnn.... *sighsss* Oh, welllll.......

5. I still HATE men;)

okayyyyy, I think that covers about it. Ciao:)

2009-05-24T19:36:00.000-07:00

I am super duper happy! No, exhilarated! Gosh! Maargam turned out even better than what I wanted it to be! And thats saying something! I am extremely happy! Especially when Aunty and Uncle said that we were the BEST group! Beating the bloody arrogant group! Thats what I worked soooo hard for. Sorry, thats EXACTLY what the girls and I worked hard for! Cos there is no "I' in teamwork but loads of we's. *grins* AND WE DID IT! WE PROVED PEOPLE WRONG! WE MADE PROMOD SIR AND OUR PARENTS PROUD! Yeah!* pumps fist in the air*

Everything worked out perfectly, my plans for the decor was good enough but Pa and the other girls' fathers and brothers executed it perfectly! The Natarajan poster was DROP DEAD GORGEOUS! Thanks Babu uncle! Pa's and Ma's surprise at the end was like the NICEST finishing touch. I teared when Shanana came up on stage and handed each dancer a bouquet of flowers which Pa did on his own. I have no doubt where I get my artistic talents from.*grins cheekily* Arul was like the perfect emcee! He was so articulous and I loved his outfit! Raj and Ushaa did a fantastic job of ushering and just being there for us:) Saras attha's make up was
outstanding on stage. The musicians were as usual perfect, especially Mr Ghana. And Selvi aunty came all the way just to see Nans and I dance! And she said we were fantastic! *blushes*

I did not want the day to end but unfortunately it had to. I loved basking in that atmosphere where there was no stress, no worrying about a certain someone insisting on coming to my house and just NO WORRIES!

MAARGAM 2009 WAS A GREAT SUCCESS! NEXT STOP, LET'S CONQUER NDP GIRLS!

2009-05-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

I feel like a loser. Actually, no I feel really good that I am able to be such a good teacher, regardless if it comes to education or dance. I have realised that the only thing that I am truly good at is being able to impart whatever knowledge and skills I have to either my students or my fellow dance mates. And that I am not even concerned about how gets the credit and all. I REALLY want my dance girls to give a mind-boggling performance. Co we have always been looked down on and I REALLY have no idea why. Isnt the teachers suppose to do something instead of always discouraging those who ACTUALLY have a passion and those who just want to dance for the fame? No, all they do is that w cant dance well, and thats it. If that is really true, why is it that when I teach my dance girls, they are able to grasp every concept of dance sooo welll and perfect it within these past two weeks? Doesnt this not show the incompetence of ALL our teachers thus far? Or am I really such a good teacher? I dont think so. I think the honest reason is the former rather than the latter. Honestly.

I want this Maargam to be an outstanding success and I will put in whatever I can to make sure that it goes the way I want it to go. I have come up with the ideas for the decor, the ushering , the extra special touches and stuff like that and I must say
that I am proud of myself and my dance girls. Lets show then what stuff we are made of k?

The only thing that I am worrying about is the tickets cos my friends, are surprise, surprise, not supporting me. I am actually not kinda surprised cos I have always knew that they will support a few more than me so yeah. But it just hurts when they are able to plan out an entire birthday surprise for someone but not come and show support for their supposedly best friend. Grets, I REALLY LOVE YOU! I think that you are like my REAL best friend. Muacks!!!!!!!!So yeah, I have always known the fact but it just cuts deeper when the truth is just OUT THERE.So dun expect me to be there for you when you are not there for me. I am sick of being the second fiddle.

I am a toughie so I guess it does not bother me. I really just want this to be a success. So whoever is free on the twenty fourth of May, which is THIS SUNDAY, please try to come. Tickets are at $25 each and the venue is at the substation. I know this is gonna be a lost cause, me pleading for people to purchase tickets, but I guess one last try does not hurt.

2009-04-22T21:28:00.000-07:00

OMG! I am in love with Hugh Jackman!!!! He is sooo goddamn gorgeous, sexy and very very witty! And he can dance!!!!!!!!! Plus his aussie slang*swoons*

I should be studying. Instead I am drooling over Hugh Jackman. Great!

2009-04-19T06:16:00.000-07:00

I have finally matured, beyond what the world has yet to offer me the challenges and the miracles that only life is able to provide you. Things at home have gotten worse. We have all sorts of issues arising and we ARE finding it difficult to cope too. Hard times dont always tell you and comes a-knocking at your home. It just arrives. As mere humans, I guess we have to deal with it our own way. AND, my way has always been to be in control. I hate having unwanted choices being thrown at my face and I am glad, for once, that I am a mule-headed feminist who is spoilt enough to INSIST that things go EXACTLY the way I plan it to be. I dont care much for the various options Life throws at me, do you ACTUALLY think that I am going to stand aside and LET people tell me WHAT to do? Then, the people, together with God himself must be really mistaken about the type of person I am. I may look like a innocent, pampered princess but I too can rule with my hidden fangs bared and with an iron grasp. AND, I am just going to do that.

I am fine with ME being stressed and depressed but if that situation has been extended to my parents, I will seriously be everyones' worst nightmare. AND I do not care about the consequences and its dire effects. I like BEING that:)*grins wickedly* My dad has been coming home for the past few days, feeling stressed out and I cannot believe that he is having problems at his workplace.My dad has never been fully appreciated and Ma has done loads to make him into who he is right now. The reason why Nandhini and I have or had such a comfortable life is solely due to Pa's tremendous hard work and Ma's encouragement and perseverance. When all your hard work starts tumbling down on you, you will actually think that care and concern could be shown.this is actually the time when we have to support him and NOT stress him FURTHER. Goes on to show who REALLY has the heart and who doesnt.... Well... No comment, I guess....

All this has actually hindered my studying process but I have to fight on and I WILL fight on. The doctor has asked me to take it slow cos I have low blood pressure as well. BUT, I am NOT TAKING IT SLOW. * sighs*

2009-04-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

I should blog. God, it has been like AGES since I have blogged and SOOO many things have happened for the past few weeks, some stuff that ought to be kept mum and some stuff that is just plain confusing. On the brighter side, I did okay for my prelims! YEAH!I actually passed my Econs! Only God knows how I did it:) * all smiles*

I have realised that people are people because they are not God and as such, they have their imperfections. I have also realised that while there are some who are able to embrace their flaws and focus on their attributes, there will be others who are always waiting for the chance to point out that particular flaw of yours. I agree that I am a selfish, self-centered bad-tempered bitch but I believe that I too have my attributes. It is kinda sickening when the flaws keep on getting thrown onto your face. I have passed the hurdle when all these silly things will get me down because I personally, believe that I have finally grown in areas that matter more than others.

I have just realised that I love my family more than anything in the world and my mother has a really special place in my heart. While my sister is my soulmate and my dad my role model, my mother is just the epitome of love and all things pure and special. People have said that Attha lives through my mother, and that my mother lives through me. I am truly glad of it. I might be different from other teenagers( or is it adults now?) but I like to think of it as uniqueness. Only I will know whether I have the time to do certain stuff or not. If people think that I am just kidding about my time constraint, then its their problem and not mine. I have people who truly care about me and though the number might not be mind boggling and all, I am glad that they are there for me and no one else.

2009-03-25T20:15:00.000-07:00

I should blog.
I should blog.
I should blog.

But for the first time in her life, S.Hemalatha has been rendered speechless.

2009-02-22T20:40:00.000-08:00

Fate? How the hell do you define the word that is thrown at your face more than once? Ermmm, I think Fate still has to do with the choices one can make , and then from there, see where it leads you to. so, once again, the choices that you make affect you in more ways that you can think of. Like Nandhini choosing to follow her heart and take up what she loves. A small part of me envies Nans for the choices that she makes, cos she does it without any regrets, whether the choice was a success or a failure. Me, on the other hand, have always made a choice and then regrets the decision. From now on, whatever decision that I am gonna make, I am going to do it from the bottom of my heart and never, ever regret it;)

On the other hand, I have got prelims coming up!!!!!!!!! Aargh!!!!!!!

2009-01-30T04:26:00.000-08:00

Nanana, this is for you. Once I have updated, STOP PESTERING ME! and go find someone your own size to pick on! Got it? Hehe. *winks*

Well, anyway read Jes Ka's blog and felt really touched. Thanks ka for that simple gesture, it really, really means alot. Sisters all the way! Loves...

I have FINALLY, FINALLY, done something that I have always wanted to do. I have started volunteering at MCYS, teaching two chinese boys how to sing a tamil song for the Foster Family party thingy in July. I finally feel complete. Hehe. But really, giving back to the society helps to ease some of your burden too, both emotionally and mentally. When I go there, my problems seem to shrink to a really minuscule level. There is this Tamil song that says that no matter how bad times are for you, there will always be someone else less fortunate than you out there. I truly believe in that song, and how much I can, I try my best to reach out to those less fortunate than me. Like the tissue buying thingy which is a joke between Ma and Nans. There is this old, partially blind man who sells tissue packets at the Yishun Mrt and whenever I see him, I pay him two bucks for three tissue packets. I continued this until one day, I realised that my wallet had burned a hole and I had no money myself. Lesson learnt: Check for cash before purchasing. But, yea, no matter what, I am not going to stop buying tissue packets from that uncle. So there Nans. Do what you can!* pokes out tongue and runs away giggling*

So yeah, where was I? The part where that no matter how horrid times are for you, always know that there is someone worse out there than you and by reaching out, that horrid times will seem a tad little better. When I went there, I realised that there are sooo many children out there who have no future and have to be looked after by someone else, all because their bloody fucking parents dont see the need to look after them.Then why fuck and get yourself the kid in the first place? IMMATURED assholes. I wish I could get hold of all these people and strangle them to death. Of course, I have other more violent methods of murder but that shall be kept censored cos this spot might not carry the Parental Guidance , which it actually should. Ah well...

And the balance of nature has come to play again. Yin and yang, black and white, evil and good. When there are such idiots out there, there are also really nice people out there who help to balance the order. I met the lady in charge, who is really nice and the two foster parents of the Chinese boys, who are Indians. I would like to think that I am one of the good people who help to balance the nature, in favour of the white.

I feel like a whole new person now. Like the blindfolds have finally been taken away and I am viewing the world with the naked eye and not through the spy glass that this Nation has created. I have, and am, seeing Man's evils but at the same time, I am seeing the great deeds brought about by Man. I have realised that it is always those who do not have, who are willing to give what they have to someone else. Like today when Jack, one of the boys, gave me his drink can cos according to him, I will be thirsty when he had only one, I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Call me a softie but there it was. Here was a boy who literally had nothing and he was offering me a drink. It might be a small gesture but it meant a lot. And being a drama mama, I derive the greatest pleasure from the smallest, sweetest gestures.

So Jes ka, I dont need a Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet. I am beautiful, both inside and most importantly, on the out. I dont need appreciation cos I love and appreciate myself, with the amazon build and all. I may have my flaws but heck, there is no human without the flaws. It is about time that I value my strengths and embrace my weaknesses. after all, there is only one of Hema to go around:)

This is like totally random. I recalled this story that Mother Theresa said. She went to a house, dying of poverty and gave them a bowl of rice. The lady of the house halved the rice and headed next door. Astonished, the saint asked the lady where was she going. And to that, the lady answered that she was going to share the rice with her neighbours, who were worse off than her.

I truly believe what Mother Theresa said next. It is the poor who have the time to think of others but the rich always, only think of themselves.

Live is full of choices. Make the wise ones and strive.

2009-01-21T19:37:00.000-08:00

There are times when you tend to view a sideways glance, a single word or just a simple hand gesture as something more. You then tend to have images and thoughts of your own. Fantasies, hopes and desires. I have realised why I have never dwelled upon all three is that well, there are just what they are named to be. Hopes, dreams and stuff that are intangible. Things that cannot attained through hard work. And here, I have always loved tangible items, stuff that I KNOW for a fact that I will be able to achieve. Like a degree, my driving license and my complete bharatanatyam certificate. Things that can be felt and ACHIEVED. I guess that's the basis of life. If you are someone who is able to attain a particular level of things, then forget about the stuff that can only be attained through the mind of the heart. I have always felt and thought that matters of the heart were always a tad more complicated and, guess, as usual, I was right.

I hate always being right.

But, then again, life has this fundamental thing. Black and White. Yin and yang. I rather take the black any day so that I can fight against it. The colours amidst all that black and white? I am not bothering with that. Let the colours remain as such. I will not take a part in it. This were the stuff that I was pondering and wondering about last night when I was tossing and turning about in bed last night. life for me will remain as such. Complete with ironies and ill-twisted choices. Choices that I should have taken, or should not have taken. Heck, I will leave the past be. And look forward to the future?

Bullshit.

Something cropped up yesterday. I remembered when I lost my earring in JC and my entire class were running helter skelter, finding for it. Gosh, I was sooo touched that day. Such memories are sooo sweet and tend to remain as a better part of you aites?

I think I should have done philosophy as a major, instead of Economics. But then again, in this fucked up world, money IS everything.

I hate having an amazon build. Whoever who said it was sexy had and have eyes behind their back.

I will kill for angles rather than all the stupid curves that I posses.

Ah well... You dont get everything that you want. ..

2009-01-09T04:27:00.001-08:00

I am depressed.

I know its a totally horrible time for me to be depressed cos its gonna be the release of the O levels and its time for the O level students to take the stand for anxiety, nervousness and/or excitement. But depression does not ask you before it settles down. So here I am, feeling depressed- just 9 days after the new year. I went to YJC open house today and followed Nandhini and her friends to NYP and Janu followed me. And memories came flooding back when I was 16 and of course, regrets. What if I have taken Biomedical course in a polytechnic? Would I then have gone to a local uni? What if I have chosen to go to another JC, instead of YJC? What if I had NOT taken H2 Chem? Unfortunately, I will never know the results of these ifs.

So, a piece of advice to all of you who are going to take a whole new path this Monday, choose carefully, plan beforehand and ALWAYS, ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR HEART. I know its a bit thick coming from someone who is depressed but it helps. If it helps, take down a piece of paper and write down all the things you WANNA do if you meet your expectations and the things that you CAN do if you do not meet your expectations. This prepares you for the BEST and the WORST. I did it for my As and it helped, REALLY helped. And, whatever happens, remember that life has to go on, there are many options for you and just look forward. Whats done is done. Just go on forward with a strong heart and a strong mind. ALL THE BEST FOR ALL THE O LEVEL STUDENTS!

And, now, the reason as to why I am really depressed. Its true that ONLY you remain true to yourself. So, yeah, I have realised that I am a bitch and that I have got to live with that.

Thanks for the insight through your many snappish remarks.

2009-01-07T05:34:00.000-08:00

The O level results are out THIS MONDAY! Why the hell am I sooo scared that my heart is going thumpity thump since I have been there and done that already? Cos I am scared for Nans. If possible, more scared for her than I was for myself. I want her to do REALLY, REALLY well, much better than me and I want her to be able to get into whatever that she wants to do. I have realised that my sister's dreams HAS to be achieved. I am going to pray and cross my fingers. I want to be there when she collects it but I have school on Monday and to make matters worse, I have a Maths test. Probably, I will skip it. Hmmm, food for thought.*grinns*

Thats it. Nothing much to blog about except for the hottie that I just met when returning home from tuition. I had NO idea that I had such a HOT GUY staying at Sapphire. Should keep my eyes peeled open:)

There, Nans. I have updated. Happy?

2009-01-01T18:59:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 2009!
Another year of hopes, dreams, lessons and learning.Yeah! I am sooo hyped out about this year cos I KNOW its going to be GREAT! Or at least I am going to make sure that it is:)

The year started out with the countdown at Jes Ka's house. After cutting the vegetables and basically cleaning out the stuff, we headed out to have our veg pizza and Pepsi and we had the countdown and saw some fireworks from REALLY afar. But it was FANTABULOUS! Haha, then that morning, there was the Ayyapan prayers at Jes Ka's house, followed by the prayers at the temple in the evening. After that, Durga Ka, Muthu anna. Vadi anna, Sivaji mama, Papa attha, Ma, Pa, Nans and I went to have our dinner where Nans, Ma and I had a VERY enlightening conversation with Sivaji mama. Tsk!Tsk! Even at peaceful sanctuaries, dirty politics come to play.

Today, I woke up at 9 to clean the prayer room and do the normal Friday prayers.I am FINALLY getting in touch with my spiritual self. So, yeah, this year is turning out to be JUST GREAT.

I will be turning 20 this coming May! Haha, dont know whether to be pleaded or to be upset that me teen years are behind me. Never mind, I will remain a child at heart.*winks*

There are sooo many resolutions for this year that I am going to TRY to uphold.

* I BADLY WANT TO START MY DANCE ARANGETRAM PRACTICE THIS YEAR!
* I WANT TO OFFICIALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY FASHION DESIGNING TALENTS.
* I WANT TO DO WELL FOR MY EXAMS. ( Great, the usual nail-biting tension.)
* I WANT TO TRY TO REDUCE MY SARCASM.
* I WANT TO START LEARNING VEENAI AND SALSA !

There, five resolutions to be completed during the course of twelve months. A new year, new hopes! Once again,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2008-12-28T19:49:00.000-08:00

Phew! Been ages till I have updated and Nans had been at my neck for that. i guess by the time, I return home from Serangoon( Anna HAD to shift there), I am dead tired. And not forgetting being around neat freaks Ma and Nans, we have been spring cleaning the house TWICE per week for the past two weeks. Mopping, Sweeping, washing of the toilets. My arms are aching from the mere physical work. This is a toast to all those housewives out there, who do all their housework THEMSELVES! I salute you guys!

Christmas was GREAT! We went to Periamma's house at about two in the afternoon and only left at eleven at night. The Christmas party officially started at 6.30, with Vicki anni, Siva anna and I arranging the huge spread of Christmas food. Of course, I was the supervisor.Hehe;) The Christmas menu consisted of: Roast turkey, grilled ham, lamb roast, curry puffs, samosas, french fries, one chocolate log cake and one strawberry log cake, chicken wings, steamed hot dogs, cold salad, baked beans, mixed vegetables, chicken curry, steamed rice( for the men) and of course, the usual assortment of chocolates and sweets. The spread looked GORGEOUS! For the photos, pls view Nandhini's Blog:) Too lazy to upload photos:)

We started with the Christmas Carols and dinner. At 7.30, I started off the games with Treasure Hunt for the kiddos, which had some pretty hilarious outcomes. Then, we did the traditional Christmas gift exchange, where I got a pretty pink hand phone pouch from Jothi Sitti. Then, the kids had their dance competition. My legacy has been passed down! Nitish can DANCE!:) and, hands down, he won the competition. Later, we played the game where you asked the kid questions about your parents and vice versa and undoubtedly, Nans won that, SINGLE-HANDEDLY! Everything officially came to an end at about 10.30. And Periamma promised to teach me the secret recipe for her lamb roast and mashed potatoes. Yippeee!

I had quite a large haul for Christmas this year. The hand phone pouch from Sitti, the gorgeous bag from Ma, the Scottish beret from Pa, the black ballet pumps from Nans, the PINK earrings and watch form Durga Ka and Vadi anna and the poster from Jes Ka and Devan Na. Nans, I dont care, you are SHARING that poster with me:P

AND, final realisation: I TOO CAN BE A DOMESTIC BEING! Haha, this Saturday, I came up with the menu for dinner and Pa improvised on it and decided on a late-night picnic. Nans and I did hamburgers and apple salad. We bought sour cream and onion and spicy chips, a pack of root beer and Ma did coffee for herself and Pa. We headed to Sembawang Jetty at about 8.30 and stayed there till eleven plus. We sang and played the " I never" game and I realised that i am a TYPICAL nerd, unlike Pa and Nans. That is sooo not UNEXPECTED:) But, I am glad that I am a nerd, kinda. Like Grets used to put it, a special kind of nerd. Lols.

Till the next time I actually FEEL updating,

CIAO:)

2008-12-16T20:51:00.000-08:00

I have to update. If not the cobwebs from Durga Ka's blog will start to occupy mine. We had a short getaway to Gentings last Thursday and returned back on Saturday, in which right after that we rushed to the temple. Once again, I have skivvied off the topic. The Gentings trip was, on a scale from one to ten, a six, of if I am willing to be more generous, a seven.

Probably I was put off by the weather cos cold and me are not exactly best friends at the moment. But, I managed to enjoy myself, especially since Nandhini was there. I realised that blood IS thicker than water and that no matters what happens, and who I kill in the process, my sister will always be there for me, through thick AND thin. Like the second day. People who really know me well know that I am a daredevil and that I dont scare easily( with the huge exception of cats and kittens) and ROLLER COASTERS are the best for adrenaline rushes which I simply CRAVE FOR. But, on the second day, my gut told me NOT to be a daredevil so I refused to go on the roller coasters. Didnt care who thought I was a wimp and still dont care:) Nandhini stayed with me, without a moment's hesitation. Okay, I know that she is scared of heights and all but STILL. Then, on the next day, we DID go and had a blast.

Did I mention that on the second day, after refusing to go on the rides, that it started raining and that I had an attack on ground? So people, do not care what others say, ALWAYS follow your heart;)*grins widely*

On the way back from Gentings, Nandhini and I saw the most beautiful sight in the world. The Sun was about to set but there were clouds covering part of it and from beneath the clouds, there were rays. Nans and I thought it symbolised the rays of hope.

Even when your troubles seem aplenty, there is always a ray of hope. So, never give up hope.

Remember Pandora's box? We have to hold on to hope to get on with life...

With Nandhini besides me, I can attain anything! And Nans, I AM SOOO PROUD OF YOU! You know why;)*smiles secretly*

2008-12-05T22:59:00.000-08:00

It is always great to have people who think like you. Or similar to you cos honestly, no one will be able to think like me and I am not meaning that to my advantage. I am a lady with varied talents and thoughts and I guess that though those thoughts bound to drag me down at times, is is still uniquely my thoughts and I am proud of them, even when it gets stupid or selfish. Then again, I can never be selfish cos I will start feeling guilty. But thats for another day.

I feel as if I have been born again, with my perspective all the brighter and my embracing with all that I am blessed with. Probably it was the rude awakening that Nans gave me that day or the sweet things Janu tells me, knowingly AND unknowingly, I am not sure but I have been down, REALLY down about some really stupid things which ought not to have bothered me but it somehow did. Thank God, the hurt has been replaced with anger, I rather be pissed than to be hurt. Pissed means that you are in charge and hurt means someone else controls you. So, I have chosen the former which I always do and thank heavens for that.

Glad that Ma has brought me up to be such an independent individual who sticks to what I think even if the world stops turning. Though I intimidate people, both men and women alike, I am pleased that I do. Intimidating, bossy Hema. Kinda have a ring to it and I like it:)

I LOVE SAMEERA REDDY!

2008-12-03T19:33:00.000-08:00

This week has been FANTABULOUS! I have been up and going which means I am finally back to NORMAL! Phew! What a huge relief:)

There are sooo many things to do this week. Firstly, I had my second Stats test this Tuesday and then Pam, Sateesh, Nans and I decided to have a random outing to Causeway point to get Nans her new sim card but we had to wait for Ma so we went to have lunch at Mos Burgers. Then, I had to rush home to go for tuition. Yesterday, Vaithiesh came over to our house and we had a blast just doing our normal wacky stuff;)*grins cheekily* Today is just tuition but tomorrow I am meeting Janu, Renu and Nat for dinner after my tuition. Haha. On Saturday, I have a steam boat dinner at MJ's house( for which I will hopefully go) *fingers crossed*
Then, I have Attha's ayyapan prayers on Sunday in the morning and then, Nans and I are off to meet Siva anna, vicki anni and Nitish for bowling and dinner!~Haha, I love it when my days are packed:)

Nans, I have updated okies? Now, you do the same.

2008-11-24T23:10:00.000-08:00

Life is a bore....
I am a sick bitch...

Okay, those were the beginning words. And I didnt mean sick in that way but sick as in really sick. I have no idea what has happened to my bloody immune system! Now asthma and sore throat AND gastric flu. And not to forget my very own best friend, the famous fainting spells. Have I mentioned that I hate being anaemic?????? If so, then I am using redundancy here but I dun give a shit;)

Nitish's first birthday bash was a FREAKING BLAST! We went to the chalet on Friday and I did most of the packing and unpacking(No complaints:) Then, played with Nitish till he went to bed at night. And then, for my favourite part! The decorations! Pa and I were in charge and it was mainly my idea but Pa incorporated some of his and the decor was SPLENDID! Anna's friends actually thought that he hired people to decorate but it was all done by US!!! I feel sooo proud of my decor committee: Pa,myself, Nans,Siva anna, Vicki Ka, Sathish, Raj and Ma. Bonding really happens when you start working together. And since I was doing most of the running and supervising, I had to miss being in half the photos! Hmmph but I actually dun care. Not photogenic anyway:)

And Nans and I did a collage for Nitish and it was wonderful! Forgot to get a shot of it but hey...

I AM IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN! I know it sounds bad but SURYA is one in a million!Aargh! Lucky Jyothika...Sighsss...

2008-11-18T02:35:00.000-08:00

I came across this in my email and I liked it alot. It is a conversation between a professor and a student but there are many beautiful meanings in it. Read it till the end. Very enlightening and very interesting:)

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
Student is silent.

Prof: You can't answer, can you?Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?Student does not answer. Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?
Student has no answer.

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Now the student said can I ask something to you Professor.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light... But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove
that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive. .

This conversation was true and that student was none other than...

DR. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam, President of India.

2008-11-13T23:31:00.000-08:00

Was supposed to update... felt like updating about yesterday's events... But somehow dont feel like doing it now...

Super depressed, I honestly wanna get out of Singapore and leave every single memory behind.

Having fun in the mornings but cry my heart out at night...

What a super stupid life... But then again if its supposed to be all merry and fun,it would not be called life after all...

Dont know what I did in my past life to be born as S. Hemalatha in this life... Am sick and tired of just being the 'eye' candy. Have never felt until LIKE this before..

Have I mentioned that I hate men or should I say guys? I just wanna stay like this forever and for once , am going to stick to my RIGHT.

GUYS ARE AN UTTER WASTE OF YOUR TIME AND EFFORT!

Anyways, went to the zoo yesterday with Pam, Sateesh and Nans in the morning. We reached there at about 8.45 and left the place only at 1.30! It was super fun though half the time, we felt like we were in some horror movie with the entire cat family being all aggravated. I had a conversation with the baboons! Haha, my new found friends and at least they will not put you down or judge you according to your appearance. Okay, am losing it again.

And... when we returned home, we found out that the thud we heard in the zoo was a guy falling into the tigers' enclosure and he died. Imagine my horror when I found out today that he COMMITTED SUICIDE! What a bizarre way to end your life! but then again, who knows what was going on in the poor guy's head?

Ma had her graduation ceremony today and Nans and I went to help and children are really treasures. For a good few hours, I was truly able to enjoy myself. Then again, children dont judge you too.

Had dinner with Durga akka, Jes akka, Muthu anna, Vadi anna, Devan anna and Adi. And realised that Liverpool lost to Tottenham for the Carling cup. Dont feel up to defending, Then again I am not a Man U supporter to always have reasons for defeat.

Feeling lost but I do not need anyone's HELP. I can handle myself on my own:)

2008-11-06T19:30:00.000-08:00

I think that I am doing myself a favour and letting it all go.... Finally, FINALLY, I seem to be getting better so back to the tuition drama today. Will start at 2 and end at 6.30. The normal hours are back. I am going to fight the monster ASTHMA! And I will be triumphant! Muahahha. ( okayy, I think I am losing my mind.)

I hate the stupid nightmare that I had a few days ago. What with baby dolls, and me chanting spells and shedding my blood*shudders* I cant even stand the sight of them and some lady who I seriously think is some goddess and coming and telling me the bad stuff thats gonna happen. How would you feel when it DOES happen? I feel like shit, I could have prevented it or at least stop it from happening. I am such an asshole. Aargh! Why does THESE stuff happen to me?????

I either have to screw up my life or have to have these premonitions going through my mind. Up to me to believe it or not. Dont give a shit who cares about me or who thinks I am a psycho.

Back to the depression moods...

*ahem* As for your information, I DO get depressed:(

Now I am back to feeling all grey and black again. Want some colour in my life! Should go and get it but not up to it yet. Should seriously stop brooding and do something about it.

Something about what? Erm,... yeah about me being such a bore, you can snore just looking at me...

Dont mind, have honestly lost my mind... Aftermath of being sick..

2008-11-04T20:26:00.000-08:00

Deepavali was great to a certain extent. I had a lot of firsts this year. My first year when I got a saree, the first year I managed to get something for my whole family, the first year Ma and I managed to bake almost three batches of different cookies, the first year I baked a cake!( and survey statistics show that it was good, more than good.Smiles:) and the first year that I got really, terribly, horribly sick after that precious day.

The day after Deepavali was spent in the hospital where the doctor told me that I had lung infection and my asthma attacks were coming more frequently. He gave a brand new inhaler and a whole course of antibiotics that had to be completed by that Saturday. Told me to avoid going out so there I was , for a whole week, not going to school and not going for tuition. I felt I was a hopeless,good for nothing cos staying at home and doing nothing does not ring a bell with me. I dutifully completed my medication and still, the stupid asthma wont go away.

I am still stuck at home, not going anywhere, still feeling a good for nothing and STILL, my attacks are not going away. I HATE ASTHMA! I cannot take cold drinks nor citrus fruits. The former I can manage but the latter?! How can the queen of fruit eaters be told not to consume fruits???? This is INJUSTICE! I have to go and see the doctor agggain...

I hate feeling SICK AND WEAK!

2008-10-22T21:53:00.000-07:00

Deepavali countdown has started! We officially only have two more days before all the gatherings and chaos begins. Haha. Saturday is the prayers at Periamma's house, Sunday morning is the cemetry trip and Sunday afternoon( whichi is the eve) is the usual prayers at Periappa's house. I cannot wait!

Tomorrow is the day when I go to Ma's school and help out with the Deepavali celebration!And put henna on all their little, cute hands. I love it when I am able to lighten someone else's day or when I am just helping out! One of the million reasons why I love Deepavali, the day where giving is in abundance!Hehe.
And I am in a super happy mood cos PAM GOT ME THE NORA ROBERTS NOVEL! Yipee! Muacks to Pam!Thank you! I feel like I have finally been reunited with a long lost lover. Muahahaha.

We have officially done our first batch of Deepavali cookies yesterday. Just Ma and me and we managed to cough up a total of about 250 cookies. Yesterday was indeed a very looong day for me, what with school, then triple tuition and then the baking of the cookies. But, it was all worth it!

I have to go and complete my writing of the Deeppavali cards and complete painting the mural in our room. Suddenly, I am getting back in touch with my artistic self which I seriously thought i have lost it.But apparently not. Haha:)

2008-10-19T22:23:00.000-07:00

I have started having Deepavali fever!!!!!!!!! Cant seem to sit down and study like a proper student. And with all the extra tuitions I have been giving, I feel that my head is gonna burst! I cant wait for this week to be over, marking the end of the final year exams. And cant wait for Saturday, the day that means Deepavali is nearing! Hahaha.

Went for threading with Vicks anni and Ma this saturday and then the usual dance and sangeetam drama. Couldnt go to Durga Ka's house for the prayers:( And sooo touched that she got us something for Deepavali! Thanks Ka!!!!

Nans O levels have officially started today. Her Chem paper. I think I am more scared than she is. Cos I want my baby to show everyone what she is capable of. My small and valiant warrior:)

I think this must have been my most random post. Better go and get ready for school. Ciao.

2008-10-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

I have become a very positive woman and I am glad. When you tend to look at the brighter things at life, when the really horrible things happen to you, the grief is not that much to bear. The inflation rate is taking a huge toil on every ones' lives but I am going to fight it and try my best to not let it affect me. After all, life is about fighting and never giving up, right?

Anyway, the good things that have happened for the past week and TODAY!:)

Firstly, Ma passed her practicum!!!!!!!!! I am super happy and proud of her!

I dropped a dress size! We went to get me a dress and I am now a 's' size! Yippee, now even when people call me fat, I can just ignore it.

Deepavali is coming and I am in charge of cookies baking this year since it is Nan's Os. I am thinking delicious, scrumptious cookies!

We got Pa the colour I wanted him to get! The shirt is gorgeous!

October is just a cheery month, I guess.

On the side note, I am missing atta like crazy. I have cried for her just four times this month. I really miss her, the strongest woman I have ever known, who fought real hard throughout her life. My warrior and my role model is gone but her memories will still stay strong in me:)

2008-10-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Liverpool taught me a really valuable lesson; To never give up and to always give your best, even when you are losing. The match was superb! Though I cried during the first half, when they were down by TWO goals, I was all smiles at the end of the match. So here are the match highlights.

The game started off , with both sides carving out opportunities to suggest this fixture wouldn't end in a third consecutive bore draw. ( WHICH IS WHAT CHELSEA DID WITH MANCHESTER CITY) *snickers sarcastically* First heart stopping moment was when Albert Riera skipped past Zabaleta to deliver a teasing cross which just evaded Kuyt. I was cursing Kuyt at the moment. The trick was repeated just after the quarter-hour mark but this time the Dutch forward blazed over. Again, Kuyt missed! Was fuming by then.

At the other end a half volley from Brazilian star Robinho tested Pepe Reina, who got down smartly to maintain his record of never conceding against City. My heart literally gave way on the 18th minute when Wright-Phillips robbed Fabio Aurelio before delivering a low cross which ricocheted past the despairing legs of Jamie Carragher and Alvaro Arbeloa to Stephen Ireland. His fierce finish gave Reina no chance. Manchester City 1, Liverpool 0. The tears were threatening to spill already. Then during the 42th minute Wright-Phillips somehow managed to convince Phillip Walton he'd been tripped by Riera. Aargh!!!!!! The free kick was given and the subsequent curler from Garrido met its mark. Now, Manchester City 2!, Liverpool still 0! I was in tears when the half time whistle was blown. Pa tried to console me by saying that Liverpool will win the match( which come to think about it, they did!) But just imagine for a moment, the roller coaster my heart was going through.

After half time, the Reds came out as a totally different side . Seconds after the restart Kuyt was put through by Steven Gerrard only to fall in the box under pressure from Richard Dunne. The appeal was strong but Mr Walton kept his whistle in his pocket. See? Stupid referee! Then, Liverpool struck back or even better, my FERNANDO TORRES struck back!* pumps fist in the air!* Arbeloa's goalmouth cross was tapped in by Torres on 55 minutes. I jumped up and pumped my fist in the air. Now, I knew that the game was going to turn around:) ( Not only was it the club's 1,000th league goal since the old First Division was abolished in 1992, it also brought the Spaniard level with Patrick Berger as the highest scoring foreigner in the Premier League - both on 28. Yeah! Torres beat record! Or to be more exact helped set it! )

The Reds continued to probe, though City worked well on the counter, notably when Wright-Phillips skipped past Aurelio only for Robinho to sky over when it seemed easier to score. Their cause wasn't helped on 67 minutes when Zabaleta went in studs first on Alonso and received a red card for his trouble. and dont come telling me that the red card was given based on biasness cos Pa said that was dangerous play and that Alonso would have injured himself really badly.( Nans got angry at this point of time, her favourite Liverpool player hurt.) Replays showed Mr Walton made the right decision.

Mark Hughes responded quickly, sacrificing Jo for Gelson Fernandes, while Benitez introduced Robbie Keane and Andrea Dossena for Javier Mascherano and Aurelio respectively. Dossena won a corner with his first touch, and the subsequent kick from Gerrard was headed into the net by Torres from close range. Berger's record was gone and the travelling Kop bounced with glee. Haha, NOW Fernando the phenomenon has broken record! They were still doing so on 82 minutes when their hero missed a glorious chance to make it 3-2 after blazing high and wide with an outstretched leg at the far post. but, I forgave him for that silly, silly miss.

A quite remarkable game - and comeback - looked to have ended on a sour note for Liverpool after Martin Skrtel fell awkwardly during a superb piece of last-gasp defending. The Slovak was carried from the field in obvious pain. With no substitutions left, the Reds had to see out six minutes of injury time with just 10 men. So there, BOTH TEAMS WERE ON EQUAL GROUND! But they didn't just see it out. Seconds after the game got back underway, the ball was in the City box once more after substitute Yossi Benayoun found that man Torres. El Nino's shot was deflected to Kuyt, who pounced to record his first league goal in almost a year. And on final whistle, Liverpool 3!, Manchester City 2.

We are back and we are ferocious.

YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE.

2008-10-02T19:37:00.000-07:00

I scored a perfect score in my very first Stats test! Yeah, a 100%!

That totally brightened my week! Hehe. Went for Navarathri prayers yesterday and tied saree all on my own! Okay, Nans helped a bit but I honestly feel that it was a great attainment! Have been a really bad girl, did not study AT ALL this week. But, never mind, I need to take a break. My poor body is shutting down and I need to help it a bit.

You know, I have realised that envy is the main cause for most relationships to get wrecked. Isnt that such a horrible thing? You are jealous if your own friends, sisters, cousins and the list goes on. I can honestly say that I have never been jealous of anyone to that extent cos I am VERY comfortable in my own skin, which literally translates that I am a confident girl. So there, Nans!:p

I had a reallly long talk with Pa yesterday when he came to fetch me from tuition and I realised that it was super duper fun! It was more like a conversation with my closest guy friend than my father! I have never respected and loved him more. Really lucky to have him as my father!

I honestly may not be the prettiest girl around, the smartest one or the nicest one( though I know I am, lols.) but I think I am the LUCKIEST girl in the world for being blessed with this family:)

2008-09-29T04:32:00.000-07:00

I am finally going to agree with Nans and Farhan that I am a workaholic! I guess that I have been doing soo much stuff at one short for the past few months that my system is finally trying to tell me- " Hello? You are a human, not a machine". I did absolutely nothing worthy today and I feel like a lazy bloke. I mean, I just moped around the house like a zombie. I hate lazing around! I cant even do that right. Missed my Maths lecture for the second time, I know, *tsk tsk* what a horrible student and am slllowely reverting back to my old, lets study last minute girl! Someone pump some sense into meee!!!!!!!! But I cant help it, I feel like I am twenty years older than my actual age. I hate having a fever! And flu and sore throat.. Aargh!!!

Thank god sangeetam performance finished yesterday before I got my sore throat. I sound like a little froggie now. Lols. Why am I sooo shy to sing in front of people, as in really sing when I do not give a shit about dancing anywhere and everywhere? Umm... food for thought.

Nans o levels are nearing and I am scared for her... I really hope that she does welll and beats my score! Go Nans!:)

How would live have been if I did not have Ma as my mother and Pa as my father? thought about it and realised a whole lot different and SCARY! Then, I know that though I whine to Nans about my too curvaceous figure, ultra big nose and stupid pimples all over my face, I love being me and JUST ME! I shudder to think what the world would have been without me in. A scary thought indeed! Hehe:)

2008-09-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

Liverpool is now second. Aargh! But, really, something in me tells me that they are gonna win this season! * fingers crossed*
Celebrated Addie's 19th birthday this Monday! Haha, it was fun. I have photos but just too lazy to upload I guess. Then, met Janu this Wednesday at Macs to do some serious gossiping and bitching and well, it REALLY helps to relieve a lot of stress. Hehe. Janu and I came to the conclusion that we are VERY, VERY similar even slightly in terms of looks though she is the prettier one. Lols. Nans was at a loss when we agreed on everything form the fact that we are grossed at the prospect of an arranged marriage to the observation that Indian guys fall either for girls who are flat or girls who behave cheaply. Muahaha.*evil cackles* Nans insisted that the both of us were just depressed. Yeah, right.
Well, anyway.. Nitishie had his first tooth( or should I say first two teeth?) appearance yesterday! and they are coming for sleepover 2 this Saturday to talk about his birthday celebration! Yeah! And deepavali is coming realll sooon. Cant wait!:)

2008-09-18T19:34:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to the one person that matters to me loads, though I do not always show it and irritate the shit out of her, my dear Nans, my true angel, my partner in crime and my soul mate:)

On 18 may 1992, my mother gave me the best gift anyone could ever give me. I was the happiest that day cos I had myself a real, live doll who I can play with, tease and just love her to bits without any restrictions. I was three that day( just turned three since my birthday is on the 10th and all.) and already in my heart, I knew that my baby sister is going to be my BEST FRIEND.

Over the years, we grew up together, fought like cats and dogs and still I loved her as much. We said and still say hurtful things to each other but we forgive each other very easily.( something that we dont do with other people.) I get angry on her behalf and she got angry on mine. We were and are like day and night. When I danced my heart away hogging the limelight, she stood in my shadows, basking in my attention and still loving me for it. When she did beautiful paintings and sculptures and awed everyone with her deep sense of creativity, I was the proudest sister in the whole world, though I did not tell her. When she was made HEAD PREFECT, I was the happiest and proudest soul in the whole world. My pride knew no limits. When I saw her grow up into an individual that she is, I am soo glad that I knew that she was born to make a difference in this world. And, I STILL believe in the miracles that you are gonna make Nans. Even if you have stopped believing in yourself, I will never do that cos I have more faith in you than I have in myself. I BELIEVE IN YOU NANDHINI, SO DONT GIVE UP!!!!!!! Show the world and its people what you REALLY are made up of. Cos you are my sister, my best friend, my soul mate. I know things about you that even you do not know and my trust in you will never waver, I repeat, NEVER WAVER.

As for the breakdown in communication, I am sorry if I have been snapping at you but I am not like all those friends who left you in the lurch. I WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF THE WORLD STOPS SPINNING! And you know, I mean what I say. I love you Nans, more than you will never know. And, we will always be sisters, gossipping, giggling and we will NEVER STOP TALKING.I guarantee you that.

If God asks me what is my most treasured possession, without a moment's hesitation, I will say my family. But if he asks me to narrow it down, my most favoured treasure is the one that Ma gave me sixteen years ago, YOU NANS!

Have you realised how in every one of the photos, I am holding you tight? Cos thats the truth darling, I will always be by your side even when you do not need me:)

Thanks for being the brightest ray of sunshine in my life and thanks for teaching me soo many things. Without you Nans, I am nothing;P

LOVE YOU!

2008-09-16T23:24:00.000-07:00

I hate feeling like this. Like my soul, mind and body has been torn apart into various different pieces. Aargh! I cant bring myself to go for tuition though I know I should. I feel super sick but dont want to waste money seeing the doctor and all. I think I should but I do not want to.
I hate myself for always trying to do the right thing. Man, sometimes I wish that I can grow feathers overnight and soar away to some unknown world where I will be free of pain and suffering and worries but I know that is just my stupid schizmo talking. Pain, suffering and worries are part of a human's life. What if I do not want that life anymore?

Okayyy, I think I am losing my mind. Better go and take some rest.

2008-09-15T06:29:00.000-07:00

Super sick today. Hate it when I get these fainting spells. Being anaemic is no joke. Fainted twice at home and hence, was not able to go for Maths class. Aargh! Thank god I have Pam who is super sweet and has already messaged me what they did in class and I have tons of reading to do!!!!!*grimaces* Missing JC life:(

Anyway, Nans and I did not go for sangeetam or dance last Saturday cos Nitishie, Siva anna and Vicki anni came over for a sleepover! And it was super super fun! I have fallen in love with my first nephew! He is sooo adorable and he calls me 'attha' and when he wants me to sing every single song to him. I have already sang him to sleep- twice! Haha. I have finally found my first male fan*grins widely while still grimacing in pain.* Nans and I were playing and cooing to him the whole day and night. Anna treated us to KFC and we were all watching the Liverpool versus Manchester United match. I was the only Liverpool fan there and amidst all the taunts during the match. guess who ended up triumphant? LIVERPOOL!Yay! They won Man U 2-1! *pumps fist in the air* I was dancing and skipping around the whole place, irritating the shit out of Vicki anni, Siva anna and Nans. Haha, SO THERE!

We were up till two in the morning and Nitishie decided to wake us up at seven so had very few hours of sleep. again, the playing and the teasing started. Ma cooked up the most delicious lunch ever and we stuffed ourselves, two hours after having a very, very filling breakfast. I swear that I have put on a few pounds. But I am not caring anymore! Life is for living and I am going to live it to the fullest!

YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE...

We have returned so beware;)

2008-09-10T20:22:00.000-07:00

Just some random thoughts and ideas. Before that, school was awesome this week, The stats test was postponed to next week but that is my favourite module thus far, so I better make sure that it will stay that way.
First of all, I have to salute Nandhini for being such a strong-minded girl who sticks to her beliefs no matter what. She may be small but I think she can teach all of us a little something when she wants to. I am so glad that I have gotten her as my sister and not some petty girl who cries for every single thing. Heck, I am glad that though we were born as blood sisters, we chose to be friends and soulmates and I guess not everyone is that lucky. Sure, we do fight and all but we patch up as fast as possible cos we accept when it is our mistakes and we try to make amends for it. I think without that idiot, I will be one lost soul in this world.

LOVE YA NANS AND THANKS FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME!

And no matter how I see it, I have always been a whiner, someone who wants to attain something better that what they already have. Some might call it ambitious, some may call it kiasuism but I call it whining. I guess almost everyone has that but I honestly think that people should stop looking at the anvils in their rice and concentrate on the pure white rice that God has provided us with. I love this analogy cos its mine:) Haha, anyway I am going to try my best to look at the brighter outlook in life. In the end, we all only have one life to live and I guess we better do it without any regrets and live it to the fullest.

Hahaha, as a final note, my five Ls of LIFE:

LOVE, it does make the world go round.
LEARN, knowledge holds power that cannot be measured.
LAUGH, it is the best medicine.
LISTEN to the beautiful sounds around you and do
LOOK at the blossoming roses and the sunrise once in a while...

2008-09-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

Deepavali shopping officially started yesterday!!!! It was shopping the whole day and was super duper fun. I went for Sangeeta's tuition in the morning at ten and met Ma and Nandhini at yishun mrt at one. And that was the start of the shopping spree.We headed towards Orchard and went to MMI first to hand in Ma's practicum schedule. We then walked towards Zara where I finally got my long awaited off-shoulder blouse. And it was a steal at only 30 bucks. Haha, Really, really happy;) Then, we went to Takashimaya and looked at some pearl necklaces which was very very pretty. We then walked all the way back to Marks and Spencer's to find a dress for me but the variety was such a disappointment!There were only like three different types of dresses and they sooo not my type. To fight off my frustration, we went to Borders' to find for Valley Of Silence and my bad luck, all the other books were there EXCEPT for that:( *sobs* I am still hunting for it and will not stop until I succeed! We then walked to one of those shops where Nandhini and I got identical watches, just that mine was pink and hers white. Sista power! Lols, and Nans got herself a really glam ring.
We realised that we have been walking for almost two hours- NON STOP! And I was the only one still going strong. Muahahaha!* evil cackles* Moreover, we were meeting Siva anna, Vicki anni and Nitish at the new Tekka market so we decided to take the train to ' Little India ' ( say that in the same annoying tone that the voice in the mrt does) . We went to Komala Villas first where Ma and Nans took their really late lunch. We then walked to the new tekka market where we awaited the arrival of Nitish Karthikeyan, together with his parents. Lols. They arrived at six and we started hunting for Punjabi suits for Nans and myself and we were successful! Super delighted! Cant wait to wear it! *grins widely* We got Nitish a jippa suit and he is going to take breathes away, believe me! And it was sooo fun, walking in the rain, teasing each other, making fun of those really ugly and weird costumes. Sooo glad that Nans and I have gotten ourselves an anni who we can relate to and a nephew who is utterly GORGEOUS! Hehe.

DEEPAVALI SHOPPING HAS STARTED WITH A GREAT BANG!!!!!!

2008-08-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

The day when the REAL heroes are honoured for their duties that are certainly a cut above the rest. Teachers, the creators of individuals and the pillar that enables each child to follow its calling and excel in whatever field that they choose to excel in. To know that I am somehow the part in passing on my knowledge to the younger generation makes me feel proud, I guess. And the day was indeed memorable for me.* grins widely*
It started out with me going to Ma's pre school, Kidszone Kindergarten, to teach her students dance for their concert. and they know me really really well, since I have been there countless number of times and I love them from the bottom of my heart. And, Justin touched my heart! He got me purple earrings cos " Its teacher Hema's favourite colour!" I was sooo delighted. And then, I helped Ma to look after them for a bit and we sang " I love you, you love me" at the top of our voices and I earned a few dozen hugs ( which nearly made me tear up.) Then, we ran around the classroom in circles, playing 'choo-choo' train. It was super, duper fun! I am such a kid magnet and I am soo glad. I feel soo alive when I am around children! They are the best thing!
Well, anyway, was supposed to meet Add, Sharon and Saras at YJ to go and see Madam Tay at twelve but Saras called me to say that the teachers were going out for Teacher's Day lunch so I decided to meet them for lunch. By then, I was in a super high mood. So when I met them at Burger King, I was totally acting crazy and wacky( and entertaining them. Lols.) Keith , MJ and Mala joined us shortly, and we were just sitting around and talking. Oh, how I missed those good old days. Then, Saras and Sharon left so I went to Popular with Add and Mala to find for that book but to no avail.Aargh! Then , walked back to Kidszone to help out Ma and then, left for tuition.
After Anna's tuition, met up with Nandhini to go to Swensens for Ma's teacher's day celebration. Hehe. So we gatecrashed the dinner. But we ended talking with teacher Nur and Janelle and it was super fun. Only left at about ten. It was a REALLY fun day though by the end, I was beat but very very happy:)

2008-08-28T04:15:00.000-07:00

Finally, FINALLY, I have the time to update... Since Sakthivel is sick and I am free for this evening- let me repeat myself FINALLY! School has been really great though the lecturers are starting to pile up the assignments and I have a Stats test the week after next. Not that it will be counted or anything but I still wanna ace it. Just the nerd in me talking, I guess. Hehex. So, I have to study. I really cant believe that I am managing to do all that I wanted to do, with the major exception of pampering myself. But, then I have always been used to it. I am sincerely glad that just because my parents provide me with everything and I mean literally everything, I am not some pampered princess. I am a princess but I am not spoilt. I am fully aware that I realise the importance of money slightly more than the people in my age do, and I guess I am glad for that. I mean I do indulge in buying a book or a blouse once in a while but thats about it. The future is something we NEED to think about but fail to do so.
Well, anyways, with school, assignments, tuition, dance and sangeetam lessons and the occasional run or swim, I am beat. I do not even have time for shopping! Boo hoo. And I want to meet up and go out with soo many people. Aargh! I guess, I have to make time:)

I was just thinking two years in advance when I will become the big 21 and was just mentally thinking up the speech and I realised that I have loads to be thankful for ( and the speech will turn out to about 5 pages.Hehehe.) and that I should start by being more thankful for the gifts that God has bestowed upon me.

I urgently need:)
A new saree!- for sangeetam performance
T-shirts!-for school
More skirts-to add to my collection:P
Earrings-*ahem* just.
Valley of Silence by Nora Roberts-I need that book!

2008-08-21T19:24:00.000-07:00

I am feeling thrilled, delighted, exhilarated, pleased( ok, all the words mean the same thing, I think I should have been a thesaurus in my last life.) Lol. I am an aunt once again! Now, I have a niece AND a nephew to spoil rotten. Hehe. I am gonna be the aunt who is gonna pamper them like shit. Haha, a new edition to the family and it feels great! The next generation is rising! Wayyy coool...
I am a pest, I know but I still love being the annoying pest. Spent the last night thinking about the qualities I would like my significant other half to have.
* Must have a great singing voice( since I am a dance fanatic:P)
* Must play soccer
* Have long, dark curly hair, the type that curls at the nape of the neck. ( Like Patrick Dempseyy*swoons*)
* Must LOVE AND ADORE children.
* Must NOT be a MCP( the type that wants to make all the decisions and feels that the Male kind is superior.*Blehx*.)
*Must be a gentlemen( the type that opens car doors and gates open for you( Nans, sounds familiar?*winks*)
* Must love me for who I am.

Ok, I think the last one is the killer. Hehe. But knowing my luck, I am going to fall for the guy who is gonna be the complete opposite:)

2008-08-13T08:10:00.000-07:00

School has been FANTASTIC! As in really , really good. I am enjoying every bit of it( okay, so probably not the waking up part but still:P). The going to school with Pam, the lectures, the going back home with Pam and Pam! Haha, I just realised that she is REALLY wonderful company and as usual, has realised that God has a reason for whatever He is doing. It has been two weeks into uni and I have made three friends. It is like really hard to make friends since everyone already have their own cliques. But I am still trying and hopefully, will succeed.
*fingers crossed*

Well anyways, Tuesdays are hell days for Pam so decided to keep her company( I had tuition at four thirty, so I had loads of time to kill) We decided to go to Singapore Poly, her Alma mater, for lunch. The food there was nice and sooo affordable! I loved the environment too! I had vegetarian spaghetti( since I am a veg now and all.) and she had some omelette. Then, we decided to tour the place. It was soo cool, walking around everywhere, to the various blocks( and they had plenty!) and Pam was recalling all her memories at various spots and it was just a wonderful experience. We have decided to go there again when my fast has ended.*Cheers*
Then, we still had a few hours left so I decided to go back home but I have forgotten to bring my house keys! *curses* So, Pam and I decided to honour the Jurong Library and I fell in love with the place- literally! I went in search for Nora Roberts novels and managed to get my hands on three. Yipee! That made my day! I am such a Nora Roberts freak!*giggles* I am going to start my own collection:)

Then today, lecture ended really early so was supposed to meet Ma at her workplace. And there I was, at bout one in the noon, walking towards Chong Pang when my flip flops decided to give way. Aargh! There is some thing with me and footwear. So anyways, I had to walk barefoot -ALL THE WAY TO CHONG PANG and I got myself some really weird looks, I did not do it on purpose,I am not a bloody attention seeker, so maybe when I am on the dance floor, but usually no. So yeah, but then Ma got generous and got me three, THREE new pairs of shoes which amounted to almost 50 bucks. Never have spent that much on footwear so was kinda shocked.

Friendship is a gift, my dears. Please acknowledge that before it is too late. It is about putting aside differences and accepting people for who they are. It is not about demands or preferences. It is about, trust, warmth and if really lucky, affection. Friends stay thick or thin through with you but friendship should never, I repeat, NEVER be taken for granted. Whatever decision the both of you have derived upon is entirely up to you. But as the right of both your elder sister, I will like the both of you to think it carefully through cos once a relationship has been frayed, it is very difficult to patch that fray back up. And, until the end, relations are the sole treasures that we bring with us when we leave this Earth. So, keep your dear ones close to you. Believe me.

When someone you love has been gone from your life forever, you will tend to appreciate that person all the more. What we all fail to do is to appreciate people when they are in your lives. If you have not said loving, kind words to a friend, say it now. And if you feel like cursing someone, think twice before you spit out those harsh words. Because words can kill a hundred times more than the sword.

I am being philosophical. No idea why. Life is short, I may not be one who knows how to live it to the fullest but I still want to live it, according to MY terms. With no strings attached.

2008-08-07T20:20:00.000-07:00

Just some random thoughts that I have been having. Or should I say questions?

Why did God create Mankind?

Why do we blame god for the mistakes that WE do?

Why must Isabelle go back to Australia?

Why must I miss her soo much?

Why must Nitish get sick?

Why cant I have gotten it instead?

Why do people have prejudices against dark-skinned people?

Why do people have their own JUDGEMENTS against other people?

Why do people have prejudices against fair-skinned people?

Why do people stereotype others?

Why do they say bad, unkind things about strangers?

Why are there soo many hypocrites in the world?

Whats wrong in being REALLY different?

Why must I have a fringe?:p

Why do guys go for ultra-skinny girls?

Scrap that. Why do Indian guys go for ultra-skinny girls?

Ummmm. At the same time, why do some guys go for REALLY fat girls?

Why isnt there one person who tries to make herself better?

And if I am that one person, why do I get mocked at?

Why do some girls wear see-through blouses?! * shudders*

What is true love?

Okayyy, guess I have been losing my mind. And, I should seriously go and start reading my notes. Am reverting back to the old Hema, the one who refuses to study ANYTHING beforehand.Yupps:)

2008-08-06T21:01:00.000-07:00

Uni has finally started!!!!!!!!!!!* grins like mad* I had no idea that I missed school THAT much but I did.Hehehe. Thats the nerd in me talking:p But, uni is REALLY REALLY FUN! Its like so independent and I have gotten off the right foot with my lecturers... so far. I hope that continues. Well, anyways, I only had three lessons this week but will be starting the fourth one next week. And, Pam told me that the lecturer is DAMN boring with a uppercase B! Aaargh! not looking forward to principles of banking and finance now.... boo:(

But, maths, statistics and Economics was really fun and interesting. I cant believe that I am such a Maths person but I am, unbelievably and fortunately:) I am majoring in Maths and Economics( which is soooo mathematical) and so far, I like it. the coolest part is that we do not use calculators for Maths AND statistics! yipee!!!!!!!!!!! Finally, something to my advantage.*pumps fist in the air* School days are great. Only Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays and I still have time to go for my tuition(s)( Yupp, that is in plural.) So, am loving my life RIGHT NOW!

2008-08-01T22:32:00.000-07:00

I think that this post is somewhat in response to Rajes ka's post. I totally hate foreign students, especially all those idiots from India. I am not being prejudiced but they are really starting to piss me off. I have always hated those foreign expats because though they are the ones who come here for a living but yet, they think that we owe them something. The way they behave, with their noses in their air. Damn irritating. And the way the ladies cling to their men when they see Singapore Indian girls. As if we will try to steal their men. Puh-lease! But, I had always sympathised to a certain extent the construction workers. Because of my parents. They way they will keep on saying, poor things, they left everything and came here for a living. So I used to feel sorry for them. USED TO until they started becoming devilish and pissing me off. Ok and though I hate to admit it, really creeping me out. *shivers*.
Disadvantage of giving too much tuition is that I travel to many places ALONE. I used to think that it was no biggie( which is not) but sometimes. I will leave that sentence hanging. First, there was this creep who followed me to the lift when I went to Block 253 for my tuition.I took the stairs instead and the bloody bastard had the freaking guts to literally stop at each level to know which floor I am heading for. Ok, so maybe I was being paranoid. Then, there were these two ass holes who came to my face and asked my name. I honestly felt like throwing cow dung at them but I just ignored them. Then, the final straw came when I was walking to Northpoint to take the bus when these two REALLY annoying asses came LIKE realllly close behind me and started telling each other how beautiful I was. I was like Hello?I can hear? Then, this idiot has to turn to me and say it. My reaction? Utter shock! I do not deserve it. I am covered half of the time, I do not even wear knee length skirts! my skirts are always longer than that! Aargh! There are girls out there who WANTS attention, cant they like get it? I do not want any sort of attention( ok, so probably from cute guys)I am perfectly happy. So next time, something like this happens, I am gonna show them the finger cos the bitchy, fuck off look obviously does not work. I pray it will work. Grrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!

My nitishie is sick! He is admitted in hospital. Poor darling. I hope he gets better soon.

2008-07-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

I have achieved one of my aims in my life- finally. I danced in the rain yesterday! Believe me, it helps to de stress by a huge mile. and the irony of it is that I danced for the song that I first cherographed and performed for. Haha. The rain drops felt sooo wonderful.* winks* Thank God did not come down with a fever. If not Ma would have suspected. Why else do I not bring an umbrella when I am out? *impishly grins*.

Anyways, I am a danceaholic. ( Not sure if that term really exists or not:p) But I love dancing to classic tunes the best cos they are the BEST! I mean the other dance styles are great too but it is just that Bharatha Natyam has been around for like two decades and it has a really beautiful history. Like, wayyy before, Devadasis were actually thought to be celestial dancers who hail from heaven and they had to stay in the temples. Their job was to dance for the Gods but also to clean the sacred areas. They did not get married to humans but usually conducted matrimony with the Lord of Dance, Lord Shiva( or to be more specific, Lord Nataraja). They stayed in the temples and were treated with utmost respect, the respect that should be given to divine beings.

However, after the invasion of the British Army, the British started to treat dance as a low job. They then started a campaign that banned dancing from taking place. As such, these devadasis who only knew how to dance , had no other choice but to resort to prostitution. As such, the term devadasis started to have a bad connotation. This term existed until great dancers like the Tanjore Quartet started to re-establish the reputation of Bharatha Natyam and this art form is one of the oldest in Art history. And I am duly proud to be a part of it.

Shit! I just remembered about our dance project and I have to memorise the 72 ragaas for Sangeetham.

Oh and by the way, I want to watch Kaadhal Oviyam sooo badly. Someone get it for me!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-13T20:05:00.000-07:00

Final realisation: I am a total bitch. The previous blog was like such a stupid thing.I am really sorry, Janu. I was not even angry with you, really, I swear. I am glad that unlike me, at least you tried to clear things up and I am glad for that. I am sorry that I even thought that you agreed to what she said when I know for a fact that you do not look down on anyone or anything and hate anyone who does that.*Hint: Kirthika:p* I am truly sorry that I actually almost tarnished my friendship with you cos of my utter bitchiness and my lack of trust in people. I swear that the colourful language wasnt meant for you at all. Pls forgive me. * pleading eyes*

And Pam, thanks a bunch for the sweet message you sent me yesterday. It really touched my heart. You will not believe the number of people that I have to prove myself to. You are lucky that you have aunties and uncles who like you for who you are and that they do not measure you for the attainments that you have attained. If I am able to voice out my anger towards my friends whom I am closest to, I think that I am ready to voice out the real anger, the anger that I have been holding inside me for a very, very looong time. ( seven years is kinda long, right?) Ma has always been telling me to let the past go but thats one more thing about me. I will let it go only if it does not come back to haunt me. And she will murder me if she knows that I am blogging about this but I do not give a damn anymore. Adults should also finally realise that I too am an human being and that I have feelings too. And that they should learn to respect it.

I have the suckiest luck in the world. I always do well for school examinations but when it comes to national examinations, I never do up to expectations. I am the girl who is able to reach out and touch the fruits of labour but was never able to taste the sweetness of the fruit. Well, anyway, I had a dream of going to RGS when I was in primary 6 and of course, with my prelim results of 265, I would have been able to. So, obviously, Ma and Pa were proud that they had such a smart child and they exclaimed it to everyone my secret dream. Then came along PSLE, and I got an aggregate score of 228 which means I cant even go to Cedar girls and I got stuck in Whitley which totally busted my morale. Then came the things that they said about a twelve year old, pls remember that I was only twelve. That only very smart girls can go to RGS and that I wasnt even smart. That my mother and father( who are the most righteous people in the world) used to look down on neighbourhood schools and that thats why I ended up in one such school. That we lied about my prelims results. ( I honestly felt like throwing my prelim results in their faces but as usual, Ma stopped me.) I know that all these were said with the intention of hurting my parents who will not even hurt a fly because they were boasting. Hello? Boasting is when you tell people that your son had had an early entry into Harvard at the age of fourteen. * Ahem* No comment. So, I kept what they said in mind and when I went to Whitley, I worked my butt off and I got fourth in the whole cohort. Cedar Girls called me to sit for a placement test but I rejected it cos I was happy in Whitley then.

Then came my streaming year. Till now, according to some people, I should have gotten spoilt cos" thats the age" but as usual I proved them wrong. I was still the Hema they knew and unfortunately had the privilege of still hurting and teasing. I went to the first class and into triple Science. 'O' levels were nearing. Now, the thing was that, " Everyone can do PSLE well, its in O levels that we can see if the child IS really smart or not. " I fought on. My prelim results were 15
points and I went to YJC for the first three months ( which no one in my extended family has ever done.) My new YJ friends were telling me that people who usually do well in the prelims are likely to do better in Os. But, that wasnt the case with my results. I had an LRI5 of 16, which already was a great disappointment for me and they still had to rub salt on my wounds. first, they refused to believe that that was my score, then later they tried stopping me from going back to YJC, though thats what I badly wanted to do. Now, they were telling me that " That O level score isnt good enough to enter a JC." I ignored their so-called concern and went back to YJC, all the while thinking that I will shut their mouths when I got to NUS.

Then they insisted that I will not get promoted, that only people who are really able to study will get promoted. I literally threw cow dung at them when I got promoted.But God has this thing with me where he refuses to grant at least one of my wishes. Probably, he is on their side, I really do not know. I got my A level results. As usual, it was ok, close enough but not good enough. I did not get into my dream school. I learnt to live with it but no, they will never let me. Listen to this, people. All A level students are gonna die laughing reading this. According to my aunt, who is actually a lecturer in MMI, THERE IS NO QUOTA SYSTEM IN NUS for courses like FASS, ENGINEERING. Only the medical and the law faculty have the quota. WHAT SORT OF BULLSHIT IS THAT! And there is more. Janu, supposedly people who cannot get into NUS have failed their As cos she insisted to my mother that I have failed my A levels and that I should retake. And guess how she knows about it. Prepare to be amazed. Her son, who is just taking his Os this year, was called into NUS and given brochures that said they had no QUOTA SYSTEM. Wow, right? A genius for a son. Well, I would rather die than to be him, cos he is a RUDE, ARROGANT, INSOLENT BRAT. And then, there is this, " What is Hema going to do with a econs degree?" It is my BLOODY problem what I am going to do, there is no need for your "CONCERN". So now, I am this stupid thing that couldnt get into NUS.

And this is not the only insults that they throw at me, ok? " All Hema has is colour, she is not even pretty." Helllo? Its SOOO not my fault that I was born fair ok? and they all put down all the fair actresses that come on screen and praise all the dark actresses. My blooody luck to have been born fair. Then, " Hema is fat". Like double ouch. Oh and being busty is a crime in the household. If I wear anything that is just a little sexy, the comments start rolling. Their daughters are able to wear too short shorts or too tight blouses but S. Hemalatha cant even wear a black blouse. Go figure. Hello? It is not like my fault that I am blessed with fine, great assets, ok? Aargh! Unfortunately, I must learn to live with all of this cos it will always stay a part of my life:(

2008-07-12T22:38:00.000-07:00

The ironies of Life. Friends are the ones who are supposed to make you feel better when you are feeling down and best friends are the ones who are supposed to always stay with you through thick or thin. On the other hand, strangers are the ones who do not know well enough to provide you support and the confidence that you need when you feel down. At least thats exactly what I used to think until the past few days had shown me otherwise.
We had a mini Whitley gathering on Youth Day but only, Shoba, Durga, Janu, Vins and myself ended up going. In the outing, I learnt alot of things and realised that yes, indeed Ma is right.It is a dog eat dog world out there. Because, obviously they started asking Janu and myself what are our future plans like, for the universities. Janu said she is going to NTU BECAUSE SHE BLOODY ACCEPTED THE COURSE THEY WERE GIVING HER. So, Shoba asked me why didnt I accept the BLOODY COURSE THAT THEY OFFERED ME, so I told her truth, that I thought that I can do nothing with it, the moment I come out with a degree in it. And, Shobs was a perfect angel about it. Then. Vins, my supposedly best friend in the whole world( which I am seriously reconsidering it now) came late and asked us the question again. Janu again said that she is going to NTU and Vino asked me again ( though I remember VERY vividly that she was the first one I told that I got a stupid course from NTU.) So I told her the truth, DUH! That I rejected the course and am going to SIM to take up something that I LOVE doing. And, SHE GOT THE FUCKING GUTS TO SAY, " Oh, I see. Welll, at least Janu managed to go to NTU." And I was like( still not peeved yet) " Hey, I managed to get in too, its just that I rejected it." Then, cam the final blow," Wellll, Jananee is GOING to NTU". There I was, utterly shocked when Jananee just nodded her head in agreement to that statement. In my mind, SO THIS IS HOW THE BLOODY WORLD IS! THEY JUST GIVE A FUCK AS TO WHICH SCHOOL YOU GET THE DEGREE FROM, NOT WHAT DEGREE YOU ARE GOING GET AND HOW YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT. And, honestly, I am sick of people trying to be so called CONCERNED about what I am going to do. Its MY BLOODY LIFE, SO I HONESTLY THINK THESE PEOPLE SHOULD JUST STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT, I MEAN IT.
Then, yesterday, Ma's friend, Mariam, whom I have never met in my whole life messaged Ma, saying that IT IS NOT THE BLOODY SCHOOL THAT FUCKING MATTERS but the course and she wished me all the best. THATS SUPPORT! And, her daughter is a law student in NUS, which I presume means that she is like TOTALLY SMART. *Ahem* food for thought.

Sometimes, I am disgusted that I am a Indian, who values prestige more that what the loves want to do. Then, again I am glad for my Chinese mentality that tells me to do what I wanna do, without giving a fuck about what others might think:)

2008-07-03T22:07:00.001-07:00

Nanthiniy asked Nans to do this and Nans asked me to try it out. So, here goes.

20 Random Facts about ME!:)

1.I may not look like your typical fit, athletic type of girl but I am OBSESSED with sports.
2. I fell depressed very, very easily.
3. I REALLY care about the environment and animals.
4. My favourite animal in the world is the KING COBRA:)
5. I have a deep, sick passion for CROWS AND SPIDERS.( Do not ask me why.)
6. I am a tomboy and a girly girl.( Go figure.)
7. My two most favourite things in the world is DANCING and SOCCER.
8. I may be stupid( since I did not get into NUS and all) but I still hate NOT knowing the correct answer to a question.
9. I can be EXTREMELY patient when I want to be.
10. Yet, I can blow my top very fast when necessary:p
11. I TOTALLY reek in flirting.
12. I TOTALLY rock in baby sitting cos I love and adore kids!
13. I love my family MORE than anything.
14. SWIMMING is my forte:)
15. I get REALLY crazy and wacky dreams.
16. I get really crazy and wacky at times:p
17. My favourite features are my hair and my eyes:)
18. I hate it when Nans is grumpy.( which unfortunately is half the time:(
19. I AM an old soul cos my favourite songs usually hail form the 80s era.
20. I just realised last night that I have had 8 crushes and none of them have reciprocated my feelings;(

And, I have just realised that the one guy whom I have taken for granted and thought that he will always be there for me is now someone else's. This poem(?) is dedicated for him. DO NOT ASK ME WHO HE IS, OKIES? It is very unlikely that you know the person.

I feel so lost,
I feel so torn.
I feel like my soul has been torn apart.
Into a million and one pieces.
I hate my heart,
I hate myself.
Cos I have continued loving you
and only you.
Though I know that you will never love me back.
Cos your heart now belongs to another.
I guess I should be sad,
I think I should be mad.
But all I can feel is joy
In knowing that you are happy.

2008-06-29T20:42:00.000-07:00

And ( drum rolls please...), SPAIN WON THE EURO 2008 CHAMPIONSHIPS! I am literally on cloud nine! I am sooo happy that the country that I have been supporting ever since God knows when has finally carried a cup. And they won this after 44 years so they really do deserve a huge CONGRATULATIONS! Guess scored the one and only goal of the match that allowed Spain to wi the match? My darling, FERNANDO TORRES!* pumps fist in the air* He scored the only goal that made the huge difference! My heart was beating real fast as I sat watching the match yesterday and if Nans wasnt there, I honestly think I would have suffered a heart attack each time Germany went near the Spaniards' goal area. But, I need not have worried cos my other darling, Iker Casillas did a SPLENDID job of goal keeping! I love the both of them!* Muacks!* And Pam's sweetheart, David Villa managed to be the cup's top scorer! Congrats!*winks* Must go out and celebrate Spain's euphoric victory! When Casillas lifted the cup in the air, my heart truly leapt ( not because he was smiling, but God , did that make my heart stop:) Finally, victory is ours!

VIVA ESPANA!

2008-06-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been quite a while since I have blogged and many things have happened since. Firstly, Spain is through to the semis! And tomorrow is their BIG MATCH against Russia and I am scared shit! They have to go through to the finals! It seems that their fans will shave their heads if Spain carries the cup. I dont mind doing it but Ma will screw me so I swear that if Spain wins the cup, I will FINALLY thread my eyebrows. If not, I am going to let it grow like an overgrown bush. So Spain has to get through in tomorrow's match! And I am going to be biting my fingernails when watching the match at 2.45a.m. Heartbeat accelerating alert! * winks*

The chalet was FUN, FUN AND FUN! Nans had camp for the first night and the whole of the next day. But, I still managed to have fun. *grins* This is how the days went.

Wednesday, 18 June

I had to finish my tuition so we only went to the chalet at about nine at night. Yet, I managed to bond with Adegal. Man, was I wrong in thinking that she was quiet. Decided to go for a night stroll and saw certain things that are x-rated and should not be mentioned here.*winks* But, I havent laughed like that in ages. Cried at night cos couldnt sleep without Nans! Was missing hr like crazy:)

Thursday, 19 June

Was the first to wake up at seven. Got into my new track shoes and went banging on Pam's, Adegal's and Sylo's room doors. Sylo, Adegal and I went for my traditional run when my phone had to drop TWICE! Pam, Sateesh, Ma and Pooga aunty took a walk. The run was GREAT!( though I had to abandon it halfway because of my stupid phone). After that, as in right after that, went SWIMMING! God, my stamina even befuddled me. Then, went to play badminton, soccer and finally, BASKETBALL! Yess! * pumps fist in the air* then, went back to swim and played water polo in the waters. It was tremendously, unbelievably ENJOYABLE! Then, went to fetch Nans form her camp. She was a bit grumpy.*Ahem*. Later, just crapped and retired to bed.I was beat but couldnt wait for the next day! ( I have become a monster!) *grins*

Friday, 20 June

Didnt go for my normal run:( But, went WILD WILD WET! Gosh, FUN! Really fun splashing about in the waters and of course, had to have a fight with the less morally upright younger children. But should not waste my space talking about it. Anyways, was BBQ night but right after that, we decided to go swimming! Yes, swimming! * laughs* Pa and Ravi uncle joined us so we played volleyball and Captain's ball in the waters and WE WON! Haha. Then had the BBQ when Navin joined us and we started to play with him. Totally cute boy. Betcha will be a heart breaker when he grows up. Pam and Nans were trying their hands on babysitting. *grins* BBQ food was great!I loved the squids!:)

Saturday, 21 June

Memorable day, will realise why if you read on. Went swimming in the morning and got myself a horrible sun burn. * sobs* Pam and Nans were still babysitting Navin but then he left during lunch. Adegal went to book the tennis court for myself and her. To while the time away, we decided to play Thom or Alipom( depends on how you want to call it.) The game was perfect until it was time for Nans to be the Seeker. Pam, Suren and I went to hide near the bushes which was really near the thoming place and then, Pam and Suren got caught so I was left alone. And stupid (or daring?) Hema, decided to crawl through the bushes to be unnoticed and was doing a fine job of it until I felt something hit the right side of my head REALLY HARD. Then, i remembered a tad too late that there was a hornet nest there. I squashed the hornet with my bare hands and ran out of the bushes. Decided not to tell anyone about it but when I went to kick the football, I had a dizzy sensation and my head started to throb REALLY, REALLY BADLY. I felt like fainting and ran to Bharathi aunty to tell her that I knew I was bleeding at the head( years of major injuries has taught me to recognize when the blood is oozing out.) and she checked and said that nothing was there. Then, Ma came running out and found the spot where I was bleeding. She squeezed at the spot to see if there was any sting left and I told her that I squashed the hornet. Then, Sada uncle and Usha aunty came running and they looked soo concerned, it touched my heart. Nans looked as if she wanted to cry. Was rushed to the clinic and was applauded for my quick reflexes. Had an injection to reduce the swelling and the doctor told me I did a good job of ensuring that the sting didnt get in. If it has, I will be blogging form the hospital right now. Hehe:) Went back to the chalet. Head was still aching like bad but wanted to play but couldnt. ( Ma was giving me that LOOK.) Finally, managed to persuade her that I was alright and went to play tennis. Then, went to the ball room and had another fight.* sighs* Then , that night we played Charades and Treasure Hunt. Was starting to feel really dizzy so went off to bed.

Sunday, 22 June

Last day of the chalet. Very sad. Still managed to stuff our faces with Choco Chip ice cream at the last moment and it was raining. Then, went back home. Felt slightly dizzy so cancelled all my tuition for that day.

That was my experiences at the chalet. Learnt a few things. Dont be sooo bloody guy and do stupid, daring things at times. But continue having the quick reflexes. And realised that SWIMMING is my forte! * smiles widely* furthermore, I am a SPORTS FREAK! :)

2008-06-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

I am not doing this to hurt anyone but I found this in the Net and I realise that without even myself knowing, that God does have a bigger plan for me. And I am kinda happy. Probably the game plan he has for me is sooo much better and more brighter than what I had planned for myself. I am delighted in this first decision that I made for myself in rejecting NTU, though many people did tell me to accept it.I am glad that I decided to do a degree in social sciences and that I decided to do it in SIM. So it is private but I do not give a shit anymore. I am also overjoyed that I will be doing the degree with the London School of Economics and Social Sciences. Still I should not be complacent but at least now, I feel kinda satisfied and pride myself in being me and just me! *winks.* And, as usual, I have gone way off track here. This is what I found in the Net. Please know that I have no intention of hurting anyone.

World's Top 25 Universities

1. Harvard University

2.Massachusetts Institute of Technology

3.Cambridge University

4.Oxford University

5.Stanford University

6.University of California, Berkeley

7.Yale University

8.California Institute of Technology

9.Princeton University

10.Ecole Polytechnique

11. Duke University

11.London School of Economics ( Thats my university!:)

13. Imperial College London

14. Cornell University

15.Beijing University

16. Tokyo University

17. University of California,San Francisco

17.Chicago University

19. Melbourne University

20.Columbia University

21.ETH Zurich

22. National University of Singapore

23. Australian National University

24.Ecole Normale Superieure, Paris

24.McGill University

So ya, the girl who was aiming for NUS got into LSE instead. And that girl feels very happy:) There is even more:

World’s Top 20 Social Science Universities

1.Harvard University

2.London School of Economics ( Haha, no need for words:)

3.Oxford University

4.University of California, Berkeley

5.Stanford University

6.Yale University

7.Massachusetts Institute of Technology

8.Cambridge University

9.Chicago University

10.Princeton University

11.Melbourne University

12.Columbia University

13.National University of Singapore

14.Tokyo University

15.Australian National University

16.Cornell University

17.Indian Institutes of Management

17.Monash University

19.Sydney University

20.New York University

(Information from http://newshub.nus.edu.sg/headlines/0511/ranking_nov05.htm )

I am over the top right now so decided to go shopping with my two favourite girls in the whole world, Mummy and Nans! Went to Queensway to buy myself a good pair of track shoes and got this!!!!!!!!* laughs with joy*

Check out the Nike symbol at the side of the shoe. Its is purple, my favourite colour!

The shoes are glowing, just like my heart! *giggles*. The shoes are purple and gold in colour and they are cross trainers which means I can use them for running, badminton, SOCCER!, basketball, netball and for all other purposes. It costs $106 but I do not care! I am loving my life at the moment!

Spain won Switzerland 2-1 and I am cheering! Woo hoo!:P

2008-06-12T03:39:00.000-07:00

I have not been blogging for quite some time cos have been kinda busy until only have three hours of sleep! That was by choice though, so no complaints. Raj came to stay for a week and I came to realise that he is still my special little baby brother, the one who only lets yours truly kiss him and get away with it.*laughs* It was sooo much fun. We played Monopoly and Cluedo till really late at night and then of course, we simply HAD to bitch. Haha. Then, there was this day when we watched Nepali till six in the morning.( After playing Monopoly and Cluedo, of course..) and all three of us got sooo angry that the percentage of sexual harassment is soo great in India and yet, there are many who get away with it. Raj said that when he grows up and if he becomes a policeman, he will fight till his death to destroy or at least curb these disgusting crimes. I thought that that was the nicest, most selfless thing ever possible for a young teenager to say. All you adults out there, watch, or listen and LEARN!
As usual, I have gotten sidetracked here. The main reason why I wanted to blog sooo badly is that EURO2008 HAS STARTED!!!!!!! Yipee! I watched my Spain play against Russia and that was their first match and they played it sooo BLOODY WELL! But then again, that has always been their problem. They tend to lose steam halfway through but I kind feel that this time, it is gonna be different! SPAIN IS GONNA WIN THE TITLE! * fingers crossed* They trashed Russia, with score 4-1, Spain. Ha! and DAVID VILLA SCORED A HAT TRICK! God, I was sooo happy but he got a chance to score the first goal because of my baby's selfless act. I LOVE YOU TORRES! * Muacks!* and Fabregas scored the final goal with the header that was soo unbelievably CUTE! Hehe. I LOVE MY SPAIN! YOU ROCK GUYS!:) I am going crazy, I know. But, I do not care! FOOTBALL FEVER HAS RETURNED! and I am loving every bit of it!

On the side note, to all those people who stood by me during my so-called hard times, thanks. I have made up my mind. M turning down NTU for SIM cos I like the course at SIM better. Hehe. And went for the enrollment thingy today and it was kinda mind opening. I am on my road to achieve a bachelor of Science degree and I cant wait!

2008-05-29T06:05:00.000-07:00

Things that have happened over the past few days. Or shall I say weeks? Finally, got the guts to admit that I have gotten a rejection letter from SMU, some multilingualism thingy from NTU and still waiting for my letter from NUS. My mind is kinda set on going to SIM for Econs and Finance though. I think I am finally gonna do something for myself instead of what people are gonna think. I am kinda proud of myself, I guess. The guts to live and do something for myself. It feels better saying this and following through with it. There are also a lot of things that I have realised. That you must love and treasure yourself first before you expect anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can love you for who you are. I am trying to love myself for who I am and trying not to beat myself up for the flaws that I do have. Cos everyone has flaws and nobody is perfect.
I am not going to stare at my reflection and wish for a sharper nose, for twinkling eyes and for lips that are not that full. I am not going to wish for a smaller bosom, for a smaller waist and literally a figure that is flat cos thats what guys are interested in right now. I am not going to wish for brain cells that are able to function at a greater speed with really good efficiency. I am going to be happy living with myself. I am going to thank God for my large eyes, my round nose and my full lips. I am going to feel proud of my voluptuous figure. Instead of hiding it within baggy sweats and pants, I am gonna flaunt it with pride and joy. I am not going to dwell in sorrow cos I could not go into NUS but am going to work hard in whatever that I am going to do. I am going to be proud of myself cos confidence is whats that is important.
Anyway when you exude confidence, you do turn heads. I have realised that. But sometimes certain attention is kinda creepy. Like today. When I was walking home from the MRT station, this totally creepy Indian guy form India was following me really closely in his bicycle. Of course, my heart has the usual tell tale of fear but I remained as calm as a cucumber and gave him the "Fuck off" look. Which amazingly worked out! He did turn a few times to see me but he cycled away. Thank God for that! What a creepy encounter!
I feel soooo alive today by the way. Cos I just hit the gym and ran in the treadmill for a full half an hour and ran a total of 7 rounds which amounted to 2.85km. I have to continue this cos it really, honestly feels GREAT!

Loves, thats it:)

2008-05-26T02:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been friends weekend and I really enjoyed it minus the few setbacks that I had. I am cancelling loads of tuition but its as if I do not care anymore. I have only one chance at my life and I want to live it to the fullest. And I am glad that I made the decisions that I have made. Choosing SIM over a local uni because I am more interested in the course at SIM was one of the toughest decision that I have to make. The plus point is that I have Pam with me, hopefully:) I sincerely hope that I can go somewhere, be someone, someday. And I am going to thrive hard for it. I guess I have finally matured in the sense that I now know that the name of the school does not really matter as long as you love doing what you are doing. So what if I didnt get to NUS FASS though I so badly wanted to do psychology? I have learnt that, probably God has a different game plan for everyone and that just because I did not get into the school, and the course of my choice, I am not gonna be sore about it. So what if one dream shatters? The sky is still wide enough for someone to dream another thousand dreams. So what if I am not that smart to get into NUS? I am unique and I am sooo glad that I am someone who at least TRIES to be thankful of what she has, rather than to yearn for more. My dreams were simple and I could not attain them. Probably for this drama mama, there is a whole new world out there and I am going to find it. I am not going to let this one totally major thing upset me nor take over my life. Cos now I seriously know how it feels to be on the other end if someone commits suicide. And it totally reeks.
After the class gathering, I went for tuition and then set off to Pam and Sateesh's house for the sleepover and it was the most magical, beautiful thing in the world. Not only did I have loads of fun, I learnt loads of things too. Like the fact that life is sooo unpredictable and that we have to live life for each day. I realised this when Sylo and Suren said that their three year old cousin died. I cried for the many sunrises and sunsets that she didnt get to see, the many emotions that she had yet to flavour, the bonds that she has yet to make. Life is unfair in the sense that no one always get what they want ,( ok , so some people get whatever they want but these people never, ever seem satisfied.) but I think people must learn to live with it. Cos it is a beautiful thing, this road we travel on, this journey we call life and it knowingly and unknowingly teaches many things that are far better than the subjects we learn at school. I realise that life is a gift and that no one has the right to refuse that precious gift. The stories that Sylo told me about her best friend who had just committed suicide broke my heart. The way she looked soo lost, telling me about what Sharan did, said. I do not even know that guy but my heart goes out to the mere fourteen year old boy who had the courage to jump down from the seventh storey but who failed to realise that he had true friends who cared about him sooo much, friends who would have stayed with him through thick or thin. I do not even know him but his death will forever remain a part of my life. And I bet that he will forever continue to live in his friends' and in his sister's heart. I missed out the parents cos they were the cause of his death and I pray that other parents who expect their children to be picture perfect will learn a lesson from this.

God bless, Sharan. I will pray that your soul should rest in peace.

2008-05-14T02:38:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling really sickly for the past two days. So bad that I had to cancel all my tuition and I am feeling really guilty about it. I hate it when I get this sick. I feel sooo nauseous and puking out whatever that I have eaten. The only thing that has been staying in my tummy right now, for the past two days, is the chicken rice I had for lunch just now. Argh! I hate feeling this sick. Probably I am really depressed about the fact or should I say the realisation that I cannot get into NUS and that my childhood dream will just remain that, a foolish, fairy tale dream.

But, being just me, I am not one to just sit around and lament on my fate or wallow in self pity, though that feels really good at times. So, I have decided to go ahead with SIM and for once, heck what the people are gonna say though it is really gonna hurt. I know for a fact that I am not intelligent enough to get into NUS so when thay are gonna reinforce that point, I must just learn to live with it, I guess. Why was I ever considered the smart one? I am feeling soo guilty also for the mere fact that now Ma and Pa have to cough up like 25k and they have to pay that in cold cash. Gosh, why was I born sooo stupid?! Then, there are people who complain that they only get interviews from smu or ntu. I mean, at least you get something! I cannot believe that I am suffering as such cos I had one bloody S for my Chem! Chem, you shall forever be my arch rival:(

I am really hating myself right now and no matter what others say, I am going to be feeling like that for a looong time. It does not help that Ma and Pa are being sooo sweet about it. They do not deserve such a stupid daughter. I feel like shrivelling up and die, like really die. Like my mind has lost its capability to think and my body has lost its power to move. I feel like a walking zombie. Hell, at least a zombie is not able to think! Whoever said that Man is the superior being cos he was able to think has to have his ass stuffed up his nose, honestly.

I wanna curl myself into a ball and scream out aloud,
I wanna fling myself towards a cliff and forget my worries,
I wanna stop all this feeling and thinking,
I wanna stop ceasing to exist.
I wanna throw my worries to the ever raging wind,
I wanna forever keep on swimming against the strong currents of the sea.

I just wanna be free....

2008-05-11T19:11:00.000-07:00

I simply had the GREATEST birthday! I know that I am 19 now already.*Gasps and shudders* but still I think it was one of my best! Firstly, I celebrated it for one and a half days so I had double the fun and love! Hehe. On Friday, I woke up in the morning and went to have Mac breakfast with Nan and Nandy( I know, its confusing:) I had sooo much fun being the clown. Lols. Then, managed to persuade Nandy to follow us back home. Sathish was waiting for us. Once home, Nans decided that she didnt want to go for higher Tamil class cos I cancelled my tuition for that day( and believe me, it felt REALLY good!)*winks* So anyway, She called Aish to inform her that she is not going and I kinda felt bad for Aish so I asked Nans to ask her to come over too. Haha, no surprises there, she agreed. The three little monkeys locked themselves up in our room and were looking at photographs whilst Sathish and I were busy burning songs. Then, he had to go for some interview so he left. Then, I decided to play Cluedo with the three monkeys and it was, undoubtedly, the most hilarious game I have ever played! I laughed till my sides ached ( and yes, the tears were rolling down my cheeks, Haha.) And for the record, Aish is as sarcastic as me! Thats telling something aites?!
Saras and Farhan then called me asking if I was up for a early birthday treat that day itself as I had dance on my actual birthday. I was ready for it. We soooo badly wanted to watch Made of Honor but since I still have a curfew*sobs* and the earliest movie started only at 9.40, we decided to watch What Happens in Vegas instead. Sooo, the three monkeys and I walked to Northpoint and I went to met Farhan and Saras, the three monkeys went to stuff themselves with food. ( It is a small wonder how all three manage to be sooo skinny.) So ya, then my dear besties treated me to a movie and food and it was great fun. But, the better part was after the movie. We decided to walk to Yishun Park. Actually, they wanted to and I was scared shit that Ma will find out but since it was about to be my birthday, I decided to be a little daredevil. We walked all the way to the multi storey car park where my dear sisters were practising their dance and I believe that they got a surprise of their lives.*Ahem, ahem* Well, then anyway, after that the three of us decided to continue on our night time stroll while stopping at various places to snap pictures. Haha, that was funny too. Then came the really creepy part. The three of us were walking near Huamin Primary School when I saw three Indian boys sitting down at the void deck. So, I had to open my big fat mouth and joke that they were taking drugs and Saras piped in. Only Farhan was like shushing us but as usual, we ignored him and continued with our little joke. Until Saras said," Ya, they even have a bucket in the middle." i turned and got a shock out of my life. They were REALLY smoking dragon.Ewwww, gross. I panicked cos Saras was literally walking towards them and Farhan quickly flagged down a cab. Man, that was CREEPY!
Well, anyway, the birthday was up to a great start and I came back home at ten, with a truly happy heart and a smile that hurted my jaw.Hehehe. I was watching Mondru Mugham when Ma and Nans insisted that I had to go to bed. That was not before they had wished me Happy Birthday cos it was already midnight. I realised that something was amiss but decided to play along. Then, when I was really settling in for the night, Ma called me out to say that Pa wanted to tell me something and when I went out to the hall, my entire cousin crew were there, with a lit birthday cake. Durga ka, Jes ka, Gayatri ka, Muthu anna, Vadi anna, Devan anna and the greatest surprise, Saravanan anna. I was sooo touched, I teared up. But then again, that is classic Hema reaction. They stayed for a while and then they went back home. I was already thinking that this was turning out to be a great birthday! And Aish called at midnight to wish me! Was soo touched:) And, Parents are the sole reason why children can still be children. I sooo badly wanted a Disney Princess colouring book and they got me that and a diary. Cos my diary volume 1 is about to finish and I need a volume 2 s that gift was just perfect. Hehe. Nans got me this beautiful photo frame with our picture in it and I really loved it cos the photo brought back memories and the photo frame just screamed Hema.And even Nans admitted that I am a princess. *laughs*.
Woke up at eight in the morning to go for tuition and when I was coming back, almost got hit by a bloody lorry. Aargh! That aside, I had loads of birthday wishes but the greatest surprise was when one of my tuition kiddies, Anna remembered my birthday and smsed me a wish. I was literally on cloud nine. Hehe. Went back home and since it was a Saturday,had the usual drill of Sangeetam and dance lessons. Shanana gave me a big kiss and a very pretty birthday card that she had made on her own. Then, stole a few minutes to shop with Jothi sitti and Shalini at OG. Then, we were off to Sentosa for dinner and I actually felt like a blue-blooded princess. Lols.
Met Durga ka and Jes ka there and throughout the entire course of dinner, we were laughing and crapping with Ma. Haha, then decided to go for a walk along the beach. We all took out our shoes, including Ma, and walked in the sand, with the cool breeze. It was utterly GORGEOUS! Then, of course, we camwhored. Thats like a tradition*grins*.The kas gave me this really, really beautiful key chain with my name and I really loved it! On the way back home, the four of us, squeezed in the backseat, sand songs and in all, it really was a great, great birthday!:)

The next day was Mother's Day so Nans and I waited for midnight to give Ma our gift and to wish her. She really loved the scented candles we got her. Nans has got great choice when it comes to gifts. Then, we had to sleep cos I had tuition the next day.

My day started at eleven. I went to Vikram's house at twelve, then rushed to Keith's which was at two and at AMK and then, went to Bishan for my last tuition for that day. It ended at 6.30. Then, rushed to Bishan Periamma's house where Shree ka gave me my huge birthday present which turned out to be a converse bag and pouch. From there, we took a cab to Bedok Periamma's house( which is actually in Tampines, Go figure,hehe.) for the Mother's Day celebration. The cake was delicious and all the mothers got a present. And Sathish and Raj are really funny when they disturb Saravanan. And Shamini should really go and learn some manners. But that is not my problem.

All in all, it was a great weekend!:)

2008-05-07T21:17:00.000-07:00

I did the unbelievable yesterday. Woke up in the morning and completed doing the invitations for Nandhini. Then, was feeling a bit stressful so decided to clean up the prayer room. I always get a feeling of satisfaction when I do that and right now, I am feeling loads of emotions and the weather is suiting it. So ya, anyway that wasnt the unbelievable thing that I did. Read on:)

Got ready to go for tuition and decided to wear my new cinderella 'glass slippers'. I learnt two important lessons that day. First, never ever, get flip flops for ten bucks. The other lesson, never go for fancy stuff unless you are really sure that it is comfortable. Well, anyway it really went well with my outfit and it was okayy at the beginning. Then, I started getting aches at the back of the heel and at the side of my foot. Worse still, the wounds started to bleed and I had sooo much difficulty walking. I was literally limping my way to and fro tutiton. The sandals were actually eating into my skin and I felt like crying out in pain. But me, just being me, I held my head up high and as usual walked like I own the world. The only problem? I was limping, real bad. As in walk in slow motion and I was cursing myself. I messaged Nandhini to whine about my woes and she joked that I should go barefoot. Which gave me a brainstorm. Which I did, without any hesitation and suprised even myself. Yupp, I walked barefoot to Sangeeta's house and walked back to the busstop to get the bus back home. The bus driver just gave me the weird look cos I ran for the bus barefoot. I must have looked like some tribal woman, with my pink skirt and my bare foot! Hahaha. The forces must have been against me cos Pa was in a meeting THAT day and I had to go back home on my own! Aargh! But, I proved to myself that I can take up any challenge.
Well, anyway, I walked the entire stretch to my condo barefoot and there was this total hottie who just smiled at me. I think he must have thought I was some sort of a loony and I do not blame him. Hehe. The secutiry guards just stared at me in disbelief. I felt kinda free without the damn sandals on my foot. Nandhini actually came down to see me walking barefoot, like I was some sort of exhibit. Hehe. Then, I did the craziest thing! I started twirling, dancing right next to the swimming pool to the tune of Keep Holding on! Hahahaha. I honestly think that too much worrying has done something to my brain cells.

I am unique and the people who love and appreciate me for who Iam, thanks for dealing with a wacky, little girl! Hehehe.

2008-05-05T22:54:00.000-07:00

I am soo disappointed in myself. My posts have not been as lengthy as what is expected of me. *Tsk, tsk!* The stupid brand new computer is making stupid noises, I swear I am going to throw it down and stamp on it or burn it and blow it into pieces. ( Ignore the lameness of that particular statement, I am just frustrated.) Aargh, stop that bloody noise , you bloody thing!

Anyways, I should just ignore that damn annoying noise,( but I am gritting my teeth when I am writing this down.) What is love actually? I seriously think that the word has lost its sacred meaning. I mean, how can you find true love once, dump him and then find true love again? Isnt that what is happening in today's society? Is it really love or is it just plain lust?I really think that it is the latter. I mean, come on, if you truly love someone, you will be willing to wait your whole life to make love with that person. But, nowadays sex is like something that is entirely ordinary instead of being that cleansing, pure thing that is the union of two souls when they know they will become one. It is the purity of it that used to create a new life, born out of love, understanding and unity. Nowadays, the meaning of these words gets a big huh? to it. Teenagers have sex when they are sixteen and then they go and abort their child. That is like the destruction of a life and though I may be a blue blooded science student, I truly believe that the act of creation and destruction solely belongs to that of God.

The other day, I was talking about the world's greatest debate that has existed as long as this world has existed with Keith. The never ending argument as to who created us? God or the mere accident that scientists pride themselves of discovering? Opinions will differ and as what I have mentioned before, I am never one to force my views on to others. I believe that there is a God but with the help of Science, we will be able to get closer to the almighty. I know that Science destroys too but isnt that the actions of Mankind? As long as there are people in this world who have their moral grounds firmly planted to the ground, Science will be able to prevail in its journey to help cure and aid, instead of destroy. I seriously believe that.

I have sooo obviously gotten off the track here. I was talking about true love. How does one know if he or she is the one? The only two couples I know who are with their true soul mates are my dear parents and Sheela sitti and Brad uncle. Does your heart tell you that he is the one? Or is it something that happens over time? It is such a complex feeling and I wanna get to the bottom of it.

I heard this the other day and I think it has real, great meaning.

"Man can learn to do everything but he hasn't learnt to be a man yet".

2008-05-04T20:41:00.000-07:00

The party is under way! Yipee! I am soo glad that the preparations for Nans sixteenth birthday is finally starting. I have to prepare the invitations by today so that my princess can hand it out to her friends tomorrow. Tried burning the songs but cant so I guess I have to ask someone to help me:( Decorations are already being taken care of and I have to get the materials ready for the games. Hehe, I never knew that I can be soo good in being in charge of the organisation of the whole party. Oh, shit, I have to pen down the sequence of events by today... La dee da, never mind, I can do it. Like how Anna puts it, I am Ms super Hema! Haha. Damn! I have to get a present for her too, and must bring her shopping to get her birthday attire! Time is running short! I should hurry...
What else? Ya, its mother's day this Sunday so got to prepare something too... Um.. Gosh! Its my birthday this Saturday and I actually forgot! That's a first, Ma should be proud that finally the world isnt revolving around me, as long as I am concerned. Lols. Well, anyway, I am gonna turn nineteen! Haha, thats exciting and I finally got that letter from SIM. Fallback plan saved. At least its a course I will LOVE doing. Anyway, should sign off cos there is loads to be done!!!!

2008-05-01T18:22:00.000-07:00

I am feeling the following right now. Hurt, disappointed, self anger, disgrace, sick and damn tired. Dont ask me if one person can feel all of this at any one time cos I will ask you to sod off and ask if you have an emotional range of a teaspoon. Cos I am feeling like darn shit right now and I do not mind letting my composure get away, nor minding the words rolling off my tongue. Why did I even for a moment think I was smart enough to ace the As? Hell, why do people still see me as intelligent given my lack of academic attainments? Most of my friends have gotten that letter from SIM and here I am, still waiting for mine. I know I did not do badly enough for them to reject it cos one of my friends who did worse than me got in. Its just my bloody luck.

I hate myself now more than ever. I am always putting on a mask for others that sometimes I forget the true me. I am happy on the outside but, am writhing away in pain on the inside. I have cried for sooo many nights that even my tears have run dry. Nans, for the record I am NOT perfect. I am far away from it. I totally feel like a failure, I really do. Sometimes, I truly wish I could just die and forget all this pain and woes. I mean it. If not for the moral grounds and the fact that I will have to hurt my parents and Nans... sighssss. Man, if I were to be reborn, I wish I could be a butterfly or an animal. I mean it. I do not mind being a tree too, at least I will be useful to everyone.

Someone once told me that to be born as a human, you must have committed some sort of sin at your last birth and I used to scoff at it. But, now I honestly know what they meant. I feel as if there are two parts of me, the one that has already grown up and the other that is refusing to grow up. The former wants a true companion and partner who will love me for who I am, who is willing to take me, together with my flaws and strengths and the latter wants to buy Disney movies and dance like a mad lady in the rain. ( Yes, I am still waiting for that one chance.)

I do not care if it is normal feeling like that but I really want all this sorrow to stop. I am sick and tired of feeling worn, sick and worried. For once, I wanna feel true euphoria like the time when Nans stepped up to be head prefect. I thought life has its ups and downs. Believe me, I had my fair share of downs already. I am anxiously waiting for my ups now...

2008-04-27T07:30:00.000-07:00

This is for you Nans.

2008-04-27T07:22:00.000-07:00

I feel sooo ashamed that I have been contributing to Nans' stress for the past few days. I am sooo sorry darling. Please forgive me if I had hurt you and I promise that I will always be there for you. I am really trying my best to cancel off some of my tuition so that I can spend more time with you. Love you loads baby. I know this may sound a tad too selfish but I feel that I am the only one who has the rights to be mean to Nans cos I am her sister but I realise even I do not have that kind of right. So, I have to watch that very nasty temper of mine. But, this time I am gonna let my temper spew. I do not care how many hearts I break or how many friendships I wreck or how people are gonna view me after this. How freakyy idiotic can some people can get? Its your friends' birthday and it is obviously a very important day for her and all of you say that you are all true friends of hers but you wanna go for some other function? Do you all have brain cells functioning or not? You want friends to be there beside you but you cannot be there for that particular person? Hello? Friendship is a two way relationship. You di not expect to always receive and never give in return. Gosh, I am trembling with anger now. Nans, read my lips( or words?) , your birthday bash will go on and it will be a memory you will never forget. Be it if your so-called friends are there or not, the party will go on with your true friends( a.k.a Aish) and you will celebrate your sweet sixteenth birthday in all the splendour that I have expected. And that is a promise.
Love is a never ending song and I will be there to sing that last line with you....... always. Hehehe. This one is for you Nans and Farhan, this is my slogan. Lols, patented too:)

2008-04-23T06:54:00.000-07:00

I had such a blast with Saras today. We both met up early in the morning for some bonding time and well- it felt really, really good. We are soo alike in so many ways but differ in the right ways that it is sooo easy being myself around her. We went to watch the movie, " Street Kings" and well, it was a great movie if you are into violence like us! Hehe, its such a coool movie, without including the REALLY colourful vocabulary. Saras and I were utterly shocked. The F word graced their sentences like the word ,"a." Goodness gracious! Haha. Keenu Reeves is super hot, even though he is getting old:(As usual, my favourite character, Mr Hots had to die in the movie. *Sobs*Other than that, it was a terrrific movie. I am sooo sure gonna force Pa to go and catch it with Ma. They are both gonna LOVE IT! And, for the sidenote, American guys are finger licking hot! They are sooo buff, man. *Sighsss...*

Oh ya, the deal with me and my disney movies. I sometimes doubt if I am turning nineteen this year or nine. But, disney movies are sooo beautiful and the morals are soooo nice. Like, from Beauty and the Beast, I learned to never judge a book by its character and to look skin deep. Ariel taught me to be headstrong.( As if I ever need a lesson in that!)*winks* and Cinderella taught me to hold on tightly to my dreams. The Lion King reinforced the point that there is a circle of life, and whether or not, humans like it, we ARE part of it. and, the power of a father's love, and there are sooo much more morals. Heck, I am glad I am this way, supposedly 'immature'. I rather be like that than anything. I am still living my childhood strong and am loving it!

These lyrics from Pochantos, Colours of the wind are wonderful...

You think you own whatever land you land on

Earth is just a dead thing you can claim

But I know every rock and tree and creature

Has a life, has a spirit, has a name

You think the only people who are people

Are the people who look and think like you

But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger

You learn things you never knew

You never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?

Or ask the grinning bobcat why he grinned

Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?

Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Can we?

2008-04-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

I have finally found my own real circle of friends. They were there all along, only I was too blind to notice. Here's to Farhan, Eulish and Saras; We will always be together aites? Regardless of the fact if we go to the same uni or not?! Cos, I have been ditched countless number of times due to the going to the different schools. Even Nat... Just because we were not in the same school for three months, God, just three months. What distance can do to your friendship.*shudders.*

Anyways, I didnt want to blog about that. Just wanted to release the pent up anger as to how some people simply are. I know it is not in my place to criticise ANYBODY because I obviously also have my own flaws but at least mine isnt to get people to start thinking the way you do. I have always valued the fact that we are all entitled to have our own opinions about someone or some issue, no matter if it was wrong or right. And, I will always hate men who listen shamelessly to their wives and neglect their mothers. I will always respect Vijay anna for that. Though he doesnt come to visit us as much anymore, he still takes the time and effort to go visit Periamma. No matter what people tell about him, I think he is an embelm of what a real son is supposed to be like. Call me obsolete, I do not care but I really appreciate guys who value their mothers more than anything in the world. Probably, because for me , family is the most important thing in the world. Of course, the guy also has to have a mind on his own. Like puh-lease! I do not want someone who listens to whatever someone tells him to do. There is another word for that, besides cowardice and that word is plain sissy. I think guys should be well, like Carmen. He might be cocky for all I care, and a tad too skinny but he is the only other living teenage boy I knows who still goes shopping with his mother ( and he is sooo cute!) * Ahem* I am not crushing on him, no time for that. Well, ya... kinda got sidetracked... Yeah! No idea whats up with guys, they are either pure mommy's boys or lets hide behind my wife's skirt kinda guys. Thats ultimately disgusting! I will take the former on any day.

And what is the deal with me and younger guys, Nans??????? You saw with your own true eyes, the younger ones are cuter and they make me feel sooo flattered!! Aargh! What is this world coming to?

The world will turn wild but I am not turning wild with it. Ever the sensible one and proud of it:)

2008-04-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

Friends, what does it actually mean? I mean, come on, I have loads and loads of friends, a bit too much if you ask me but I am not really close close to anyone. Even in school, I am always the neutral party. With the nerds, yes, with the sporty chicks,yes,with the classical dancers,yes! But, I feel that I do not belong anywhere! I mean there is always someone who acts towards me like I think that I am really good or something. How would you feel, when you have not even commented anything but because the dance teacher has to say that you were the best,graceful dancer, your friend comes up to you a few days later that her friends think that this particular girl dances better that the rest of us. I mean, I dance because that is my passion, the one thing I will die for not to get positive feedback and you are trying to hurt me? Guys are honestly sooo much better, they do not have jealousy within them when they comment or when they hear someone else being commented. There are sooo many things that my friends say and do that hurts me alot. Is that what friendship is all about? People who hurt you with and without thinking? If then, why are friends given sooo much importance in this world? and I thought that friendship is everlasting? How then, will one get closer to another because they were or are in the same school? God, I am jealous. Your friends becoming closer to others. Yeah, yeah, of course they will say that everything is the same but you know it is not! and that feels really bad on the inside. I can safely say that the friends who have not hurt me in any way are Farhan,Jananee and Greta. Eul and I had that misunderstanding but once it was cleared up, she is one of the greatest friends I have. Aint that sad? Three friends out of the millions who have behaved as true friends to you. Vins is there but she is closer to her schoolmates and do not deny it. Is it my fault that I do soo many things and am adequate at it all? God, this is killing me. I will feel sooo alone if not for Farhan. Thanks alot dude.
It is true that blood is thicker than water, no matter what. Your blood will not point out point blank that you are not pretty, hot,smart...you get the idea. Even if they do, they kid or they just tease. Nans and I will fight a million times but always get back together, through thick or thin. Thats sisterhood and friendship. Both of us had dreams that one day when we grew up, we will each have a best friend that will be treated like my younger sister and like her elder sister. I gave her Jananee, Vino and Greta but she gave me Aisha, Nanthiny and Sangeeta. The worse thing? My 'younger sisters' are still around.

I am hurting for you deep inside but I do not think you realise it is because of you.
I am crying for you out aloud but you are too busy to hear my cries.
I want to hold your hands again and become your best friend, but you are too far to know I am still here.
I want to recollect memories of childhood with you but you are making your own now.
You may be gone from my life but please know that I still think of you,
forever and ever.

2008-04-08T20:48:00.000-07:00

I am in a dancing mood! I wanna dance for all the hindi songs in my phone, I mean the one with the catchy tones! Especially this song! I need a partner though. Nans, when you are free, lets dress up and dance for this for fun, kaes? Hehehehe.

Something came to my attention the other day. The fact that certain people look at the status and judge their friends? God, just because you are in a better class that someone, does not necessarily mean that you are smarter. Take it from someone who has been in the best class her whole life only to realise that it does not matter. The input you put in for your education is what that matters. And, Nansu, you are in e3, the class that always proves many people wrong by acing the Os, so you and your classmates strive hard and I am sure that all of you can do it! all the best!

Hahaha, I have seen soo many nice people nowadays. There was this one time when i saw a blind Indian man trying to get down the escalator and of course there must be RUDE, INCONSIDERATE people who just pushed him and walked. I wanted to help him but even before I neared him, a young Chinese boy guided him all the way to the bus station. Who said young people have gotten worse? It is the oldies that are bad role models nowadays and the youngsters are proving them wrong. Even when you are trying to leave the MRT, the young people waiting to enter wait patiently but the oldies happily push their way though. Hello, government, give these people some education proper first before caring whether the teenagers are on the right or wrong path...Lols.

2008-04-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

I got scolded by both Ma and Pa yesterday. Boo hoo! For taking too much tuition. But, I like the money and the fact that I am not doing nothing at home. But, my hours are packed now and they are kinda pissed. Add in the factor that I fell really sick yesterday and I had three tuition appointments. God, and Nans isnt helping much by making fun that I am treating our house as a hostel and that I am not home much. Well, I admit that but she doesnt understand that I will only be doing this for a few months until I get the results of my application. I guess I am tired shit and my body feels like pins and needlesall the time but the satisfaction when you greet the children. Sighss..I do not understand how some people detest children. They are such a bundle of joy! Furthermore, I have to safe up for my education and dance arangetram! Anyways to clear my very tiring mind, wanted to pen down my freaky schedule somewhere and since the computer is the safest place, I thought of doing it here. Hell, why am I justifying myself?

Monday: 4.30 to 6.30=)Anna
7to 8.30=)Sangeeta

Tuesday: 4.00 to 6.00=)Tony and Min Jun
7.00 to 8.30=)Kishen

Wednesday: 4.30 to 6.30=)Anna
7.00 to 8.30=)Sangeeta

Thursday: 3.30 to 5.30=)Tony and Min Jun
7.00 to 8.30=)Keith

Friday: 4.30 to 6.30=)Anna
7.00 to 8.30=)Kishen

Saturday: 10 to 12 ( in the morning duh!)=)Tony and Min Jun
3.00 to 4.00=)Sangeetam classes
5.30 to 6.30=)Dance classes( Yipee!)
8.00 to 9.30=)Indra

Sunday: ( ah, this is the tiring one!) 10.00 to 11.00=)Su Jin
2.00 to 4.00=)Sakthivel
5.00 to 6.30=)Vikram

God, now I know why they were screaming. But, I kinda like having a packed schedule. The only problem is that it is gonna clash with my dance practice for the megadance thingy. Aargh! Have to figure out something really sooon....

Anyways, when I was tutoring Indra on Saturday, I felt kinda sad for these kids who are placed under foster care and peeved at the bloody, irresponsible parents. If you are not capable of looking after cos you want to satisfy your freaking hormonal ranges, then you bloody well do not have children! Believe me, Indra's mother looks like a full fledged whore and from what I heard, that not far from the truth. I mean, I cannot seem to phantom how these sluts' minds works and I am not trying to figure it out. You might as well start working as one. At least you will be contributing to the country's GNP per capita. ( studied too much Econs, Lol.) Aargh! Anyways, went to fetch Ma from her course last Monday with Daddy. It was at Orchard Towers and God, I am never going there alone! Good God, the atmosphere was like totally sending off bad vibes and there were Filipinos dresses like shit. I felt like puking when I saw them. And to think men actually go to them and ruin their own families and careers. They sooo obviously like married men with hefty wallets. Dont these men have brain cells that function properly?!Imean sexy is one thing and cheap is another. Sexy is when you can look good even in a football jersey. ( ahem, ahem.) cos you carry yourself well and God has blessed you with the curves. ( double ahem, ahem.) * winks* Ah, the creatures that prowl at night today are worse than the villains that appear in fairy tales.

2008-04-03T06:55:00.000-07:00

Today, a good day? Ummm... I guess sooo.. I am trying out this crazy thing about reflecting on how each day went at the end of the day. I think it is kinda lame but it helps to know what you have achieved for the day and what you havent and how you wanna improve. Of course, it also means more thinking... which is exactly why I like it. Lols.
I think that today was a 8 out from a scale of 10. Though I had to get up early to go to Tony's and Min Jun's house for tuition, it started out quite well. There was this cute kidd in the MRT and he kept playing with me!!! That helped greatly to brighten my day. Kiddies are sooo precious and I am a sucker for them! Hahahaha. Then, went for threading. Didnt turn out too well, now my eyebrows look retard but thats ok. It is only looks after all. Then, went to Keith's house for tuition. I am sooo glad I went there. I have really missed my kiddos and it helped when I could see Keith at last! Hahahaha. We did maths but at the same time we were crapping. I had soo much fun. Cannot wait for next week! Hahhahaha.

I wanna do the celebrity look alikes thingy but I cannot! Aargh! Never mind, shall try till I succeed!Lols.

2008-03-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

I did it! Oh man, I am sooo delighted, it is unbelievable! I created my own template for my blog instead of getting Nans to do it again. I am sooo proud of myself! I know that it is so big deal cos everyone else can do it but to me it is! I mean, I am really IT illiterate but I managed to overcome this one mishap I have. Kudos to me! Hahahaha. Ok, now I am blabbering. Do you have any idea how much tuition teachers get? Well they are mighty rich, take it from me. I am sooo glad and I am loving my life right now! Lols. Well, anyway, I was wondering why is it that people who have a lot already tend to complain more than people who do not have everything? I guess, once you are in a certain position, you just want to keep getting more. Like me, right now. All I want to do now is to get as much money as possible to save up for my education. I guess I am a very realistic person and I am glad. And the feelings of insecurities have faded completely, I honestly think I have finally blossomed. I love travelling in the MRT, the looks I get... Hahaha, I love feeling like I am someone's fantasy. And Chinese guys are getting way cuter, believe me. Here I was, feeling all sooo down cos some ass did not reciprocate my feelings. It is better to be free, single. Then, you get to look for all the bait out at sea. God, I sound as if I am such a sex fiend which I am soo not. Haha. Anyway, I love Nora Roberts. Her books are sooo wonderfully romantic that it gets thrilling. Really and I learnt that dreams aren't just meant to be dreamt, but that we have to dare to do it and then hold on real tight to it and never let it go. Nans bought the right book at the right time. Just when, I was feeling low, I was taught not to let go of my dreams. So, I am holding on real tight to that childhood dream and hoping like never that it will come true...
Dreams should be like magic. Dreams should be intimate and dreams should be just yours. So to all the dreamers out there, never stop dreaming!

2008-03-25T02:20:00.000-07:00

Haha.. I feel sooo alive today cos I only had one tution today and that too was in the morning so I had the rest of the day off. This year's panguni was by far the best I have ever had! I literally slept for 50 minutes the night before.Was busy helping Pa to decorate his kavadi. Then, woke up at 3.50, took a shower and cleaned the prayer room. Felt soo good. Then, went to take milkpot. After that, the fun began! Haha. Went home to catch half an hours of sleep.Then, came back down to follow ravin and durga. For the first time in my life, I sang bhajan out aloud and it felt great. I didnt know I had such a strong voice! Hahaha, thick skin much, I know. Lolz. Well, then halfway through the procession, it started to rain! God, I was sooo delighted. The day was turning out to be great! Haha. After I started chanting, "Its gonna rain, Its gonna rain..", it rained. Hahaha, God answered my prayers after all...hahahahaha. Ya, then Nans and I got drenched and Muthu anna is super duper funny. I had sooo much fun! Didnt go for dance practice, called up Ambujah ka and informed her. Then, went back up and came back at night. Met up with Sateesh, Pam and Lionel. Had double the fun simply crapping with them. Hahaha. I think we were talking more than watching the kavadis. ten, Pam and I decided to go down to SIM to apply the next day. God, totally, this year's panguni was totally happening! Hahahaha.

I finally got the Nora Roberts novel I was waiting for! Yipeeeee....

2008-03-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

I am going to throw caution to the winds and write down everything and anything I am feeling. You know how some girls will just piss the shit off you? I have a few in my mind but only one flashes soo brightly in my mind. There is a big difference between girls who act bitchy in front and others who are real hard core bitches but act all nice and lovely inside. I hate that type of HYPOCRITE! Honestly, if my sister is creating havoc in school, I will just not say anything. I will not LIE that false accusations were thrown at her. In fact, I will embarrass her sooo much that she will not do it again. Ha! Fortunately for me, my sister has more decorum than me if it is possible and does not go around making out with people in libraries. And I hate the mere fact more that MY close friends become just mere acquaintances and real friends with someone else. Is my character really that horrible that they all seem to prefer HER?! It is the same with Nans. All her idiotic guy friends go for this particular bitch. I mean, come on la.. You change boyfriends every August??? Isn't that stooping low, even for yourself? I cant imagine having friends like that or being able to talk remotely normally to these sort of people. If you do not like me, tell it straight to my face. Dont act all sweet and make me the mean little bitch. I know I am but obviously not all the time right? If I am, I would have screamed at Gayatri ka for giving the yam yam I bought for Aadi to Kasturi's younger brother for Kasturi! I do not care if it is petty! I take a serious stand when it comes to kids. Everyone who knows me well knows that. Aadi is only four! Anyone else can go and but the damn thing on their own! It only costs two bucks for heaven's sake! If you want it sooo much, you could have bloody well asked me, since you are only two, I would have bought it for you as well!Aargh! God, what is this world coming to! You go to some one's house, take their stuff from their cabinets and give it to someone else?! How bloody low is that?! At least I am real, I vent out my TRUE feelings in my blog. Somehow, I do not get it how some people can be oh so sweet all the time. Get a life, man! Unless you are a plastic doll...

2008-03-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

What's Your Dark Side?

Hema, your dark side is Going Too Far
From swinging to dangerous heights on the jungle gym to buying that pricey sweater in every color, the one thing you can be depended on to do is, well, too much. It may not work out perfectly all the time, but you're the one who will try your hardest to go the farthest, and that's usually what it takes to get ahead. And we love it! After all, nobody ever changed the world by playing it safe.Sure you take it easy sometimes, since you can't live life on the edge all the time. Still, everyone appreciates your grand gestures and big passions, and they can't wait to see what you're going to do next. Way to keep everyone guessing!

What's Your Green IQ?

Hema, you're a Green Giant
Can one person make a big difference? Absolutely, and you're doing it! From separating your recyclables to carpooling, you're well on your way to having the green lifestyle all wrapped up (in recycled paper?). But there is room for improvement, you know. Good thing you have the drive and the initiative to keep seeking out more ways to make a difference! You're probably going to be the one to start a clean air initiative in your neighborhood or to install that new low-flow toilet. Can't you see it?Of course you've still got a few big lifestyle changes to make before you can declare yourself perfectly green, but that's okay. Who doesn't love a little challenge? Keep making your life eco-friendly — the planet needs you!

How Green Are You?

Hema, you're an environmentalist who Loves Mother Nature
From wildlife to rainforests, a green environmentalist like you loves the planet for all the natural beauty it offers. With your respect for nature and your love of the great outdoors, it's no surprise you're the sort who will clean up after your campsite, donate to protect endangered species, or even just vacation somewhere scenic.After all, someone as passionate as you realizes there's only one planet, and it's worth taking care of. No doubt, you're the type who helps us all keep fresh air clean: Way to help preserve the environment for all of us!

How Should You Indulge Your Senses?

Hema, you love to indulge in a Little Personal Time
For someone who's as on-the-go as you, the greatest indulgence of all is a hearty dose of rest and relaxation. Charming and fun, you love spending time with family and friends, but there's also a mellow and quiet side of you that relishes time alone with your thoughts.Whether you like to take long walks, catch an afternoon blockbuster, or check out a hip new art exhibit, you like exploring the world on your own terms and learning more about yourself in the process. Not one to harp on the past or obsess about the future, you have a confident and graceful way of savoring each experience as it comes.

What's Your Beauty Aura?

Hema, your beauty aura is Classic!
You stick to the tried-and-true approach to life and the same goes for making yourself look lovely. You take care of yourself as much as time allows, and long for more opportunities to do something nice for yourself. Most of the time you stick to flattering-but-not-dazzling colors and sensible shoes — you're not a slave to fashion, but it's not a crime to be fashionable. What you may lack in pizzazz you more than make up for in kindness to those around you. In fact, your straightforward, no-frills beauty allows your caring personality to shine through. Naturally, you want to look healthy and young, but you're not about to waste your valuable time or money on passing fads. While you enjoy being pampered with a facial or pedicure now and then, you tend to look down upon such things as wasteful. The thing is, you really could give yourself permission to indulge a little more often. Take the plunge on a new, bright lipstick or day trip to the spa. You tend to sacrifice a lot for others, but don't forget to take care of yourself!

Was bored, feeling just a bit down so decided to indulge in these tests cos they never fail to make me feel good. Hahahahaha.

2008-03-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

I finally got my results and it was soooo not what I expected. My gp was such a great disappointment. From an A* in PSLE to a A2 in O levels to this. I soo wanted an A and I did not even get one. I am the B girl, the one who gets most Bs. That is sooo annoying. God, and 91% of my cohort is eligible to apply for universities. Do you know how creepy that is? So, we all will be fighting for a place and I sooo badly wanna go to NUS. Nans keeps on asking me WHY? But, I just cant seem to answer that question. It is just something that I have dreamt from my childhood days. And, I am really depressed. I mean really. My mood swings are like soo extreme. I am sooo happy at some times and I completely blow my top at other times. Just the other day, I screamed at my dancemates and walked out of class. God, what is happening to me? Sometimes, I honestly wish that I could just die and get rid of all my fears and worries. I have felt like that more than once nowadays and it kinda creeps me out. It was such a relief that Sathish and Raj stuck to me like glue for the past one week in fear that I will do something stupid. It was soo touching, The way both tried consoling me by saying that I am still the smartest. God, they are so wonderful. And, Nans made sure that I was never out of her sight even for a second. And the way Rajes ka and Durga ka msged and called me to ensure that I am feeling alright. I am sooo lucky to have such a nice and supportive family. Regardless of the fact that I am a dumbo. I sooo badly wanna do a bachelor degree. I dont know if god is gonna provide me that one chance.

2008-02-29T07:01:00.000-08:00

I think I should get Gayatri ka something cos I have been like going to her house to use her computer for only God knows how long. Really. Well, the results have been postponed yet again to this week Friday. Aargh! Part of me sooo badly wants to know the results and yet there is this other part that just wants to be kept in the dark. God, the complexities of life! It is sooo difficult to unravel the mysteries of life and I am not trying.

I was thinking the other night cos I was awake till sooo long, about the desires and aims we have. And the fact that we are all soo different in characters and appearances. I was pondering where I belong and the truth kinda hurts but hey, we are all different and we have to appreciate ourselves right? I am the typical, perfect, kind, sweet gentle being not the type that excites people at all. That's Nandhini. Me, the lady that all the elders swoon over cos I am oh so sweet mannered and well behaved. God, the one who has no excitement in her life, the one who is terrified to place a toe out of line but the type who is willing to die for the people I really love and treasure. I am the type in which everything comes naturally to, the one who does not really have to work hard to get anything and the one who whines cos she has not gotten her hands on the latest Nora Roberts book. Yet, I am the one who is willing to fling myself over the cliff for my loved ones. I am the kind who dances gracefully, studies brilliantly and plays soccer like a boy. Yet, I am the one who craves for attention but does not really want it. I am an emotionally stressed person but loves putting the feelings of others before mine. I am the one who cannot say no to my beloved ones and my friends and yet I can slap across the faces of people who have stupid morals and beliefs. God, it is sooo hard for me to figure myself out, how the hell can anyone else ever figure me out?!

2008-02-13T02:22:00.000-08:00

Ah... such a long time. I finally feel alive! I have got a few tuition kids and they are filling in the gap of my missing my kid sooo much. Oh ya, anyways came across this article in the Reader's Digest and got such a great suprise. Big girls around the world, this is one for all of us! Cheers! The article said that ladies with hour glassed figures, that is BIG BOSOM AND THIGHS, have a higher probability of producing smarter and more talented babies! Yipeee! Finally, something for the bosom babes in the world. Hehehehe.
Well, heard a rumour that my A level results are coming out this Friday. No idea how true that is but my nerves have already started to tingle. God, all is in his hands now. I am just crossing my fingers and praying and hoping for the best. Sighsss...
Valentine's Day is tomorrow! Still havent gotten my special valentine yet but who cares? Probably all this waiting is for a good cause... Hahahahaha.

2008-01-31T01:18:00.000-08:00

Oh... It has been a really looong time since I have blogged and soooo much has happened since!I honestly think that some famous director should take a movie about the trials and tribulations of my life. HONESTLY! Firstly, when I was having second doubts about how the students at Mayflower Sec are gonna treat me... How can I be sooo stupid?! They are the BEST! They love me and the feeling is mutual.Haha. And just when I was really starting to like them and get used to the wonders of teaching them... This is exactly what happened on that day. Mrs Selva called me in to say that the teacher is coming back! I felt like cursing! How can I leave MY kids on the lurch? They were the ones who had coloured my world sooo bright! Anyways, unfortunately only had 1e and 1a on that day. I told them that that was to be my last day and they started protesting. I felt sooo touched. They were all insisting that I stayed! God, I felt like crying! I sooo badly didnt want to leave. Felt like going to Mrs Selve and begging her, saying that I am willing to teach without pay cos I love these kids that much! Vivian started crying when I told her. God, I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. and then Zaki did the worst thing possible. Decided to play hangman with them and he wrote down Thank you Ms Hema for teaching us lately. We love you. I cried then but of course laughed to cover it up. Good God, how can you do this to me?! Then, the whole of 1e started writing a petition, insisting that I stay. Krishveen insisted and I was overwhelmed. Joshua was sooo quiet the whole lesson, it just made my heart cry. The worst was yet to come. When I had finished the lessons for the day, students from the other classes came crowding around me asking for my number, email address and blog add. I felt like a celebrity but at that moment I didnt want that feeling. I just wanted to continue teaching them... Sighzzz...

And saw Joanne, Hui ling and Kai Yun at northpoint just the other day and they were complaining about the new teacher, saying how she was reteaching everything. I felt sooo peeved that she was wasting their time but Ma asked me to drop it. Just cant cos these are MY kids and I am damn concerned about how they fare for their exams. Saw XinYi today, she said the same things, Teacher sucks, Wants me to come back... Want Mrs Selva to know this so that I can continue teaching them! Aargh!

Oh yeah, went for cvd on Saturday. Had a really coool time. Met up with loads of my friends and Kiki was like Wow... you sooo popular ah? Hahaha. Even I didnt have the idea that I was THAT popular but I am! I was hugging almost all the girls there, The guys... Of course I cannot hug them so there were the usual punches on the shoulder. Anyways, had a GREAT time. Yishun JC rocks! Lol.

Ah... my computer broke down. Shitty, I know so went over to periamma's house to blog and check up some stuff. Have NTU open house this Sunday, cant wait! Hate the mere fact that there are bitches and sluts out there who possess the same damn name as mine! Aargh!

2008-01-10T00:44:00.000-08:00

I got the job! I am now officially a teacher at Mayflower Secondary School and God am I teaching loads of subjects! Haha. I am teaching Secondary one Geography and English and Secondary three PW. Oh, and not forgetting Secondary two social studies but I havent seen the class yet. But, I am loving the job! Of course, I have no close friends there but the secondary one kids are God's gifts to Earth. Especially those from 1E. I am in love with those kids! They are sooo funny! The entire experence is sooo funny. I am in the staffroom during my free time, preparing lessons and the staffroom is out of bounds to ALL STUDENTS. It is sooo funny to think that I was a student last year and am a teacher now. Lol. And, the part when the students greet you. That is sooo off the hanger!and the part where I sit at the back of the class. God, I am in heaven and am loving it! Will be getting my laptop anytime sooon.... Haha. Me? A secondary school teacher! I am a working person! Oh, yeah and I got a tuition but it is a prematured child. Haha. Getting money and doing what I love doing. This is turning out to be a great 2008! Right now, I am donig a presentation for my sec one kids. Lol. I am laughing.This is ME we are talking about! And I love the new ME! Muahhahaha....

2008-01-06T19:12:00.000-08:00

Oh, gosh. Good god. My hands are trembling. I badly wanted to do relief teaching but now, I am scared out of my wits. Mayflower Secondary! *Gasp!* Secondary school, and here I am still looking like an O level student. Aargh! Never mind, will take it in my stride. All for the money and to overcome the BOREDOM! And it is not as if I will get the job, just going to go for an interview. And, trembling! Aargh! Must be my shortest entry ever. Cos cannot think, mind going into freeze mode. Worse thing, Ma does not even know about it yet. Lol. Missing her more now that she has gone back to work. Aargh! And I cannot believe I had the guts to tell the principal that I cant come down earlier. Of course la! Ma has the check-up, I have to follow her. Damn, I do not even have the printed out copy of my yellow card, aka, my pass to relief teaching. Only God knows how this is going to turn out. Even if I get accepted, sigh... I still have to get used to the students. Me getting used to them is one thing, they getting used to me is another. I really do not know if I want it or not. Gosh! Dilemma Alert! I hate it when my mind refuses to listen to my heart! Aargh! Then, there are times when my heart refuses to listen to my head. If he cries, it is his problem right? Then, why do I go feeling all bad?! Then, there is the issue whether did he cry or not. Aargh, Nans! Life is sooo BLOODY CONFUSING!

2008-01-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

So far, my new year resolution is turning out to be like shit. Living for myself is harder than I thought it would be. I really do not get HOW people can simply live for themselves and care ditto for the feelings of others. Aargh! What planet do these people come from?! Anyways, I am TRYING my best not to fall into depression cos I am ABSOLUTELY doing nothing at home and I have a strange feeling my brain cells are gonna rust! Who ever said that studying is boring? Aargh! I feel like dying cos I am not studying! Man, I am way DEPRESSED. It is a miracle I havent done anything to myself YET! I am soo not the kind who sits around, rotting! Oh, man. I think I am just gonna type down my looong list of new year resolutions.

1) Get my driving license!
2) Hopefully, get into uni.
3) Learn veenai! ( surprisingly, the only musical instrument I know how to play is the recorder.Blehx!)
4) Start my training for DANCE arangetram!
5) Learn another language!
6) Hit the gym more often!
7) Ya... start doing YOGA!
8) Ya, almost forgot... the thing about living for myself.

Probably, since I am soo utterly bored, I should start doing some of the things on my list. That's a thought!

Oh ya. Aron, read your blog and saw the quizzes that you have done. Haha. Decided to follow suit. Here goes nothing!

What Highschool Clique Do You Belong To?
You scored as a Hot
Haha! u are so hotttttttttt!
Hot
73%
Emo Kid
47%
Prep
40%
Punk
40%
Geek/Nerd
40%
Jock
40%
Goth
13%
Loner
13%
"Ghetto"
0%
Stoner
0%

Ya, right. Like I am soo hot. Lol.

Life colours:)

Red:4
Orange:3
Magenta:2
Yellow:10
Logical Tan:6
Environmental Tan:8
Sensitive Tan:11
Abstract Tan:3
Green:12
Blue:8
Violet:11
Lavender:0
Crystal:2
Indigo:7
Red Overlay:1

So, erm... my aura colours are pretty much green, violet, sensitve tan and yellow. Lets see what these colours mean:)

Yellow means...Yellows are the most fun-loving, free-spirited, energetic, and childlike personalities in the aura spectrum. Yellows are wonderful, sensitive, optimistic beings, whose life purpose is to bring joy to people, to have fun, and to help heal the planet.
Yellows can either be very shy and sensitive, or they can be the life of the party. These playful characters have a great sense of humor. They love to laugh and to make others laugh. Yellows believe life is to be enjoyed. They like to live life freely and spontaneously. With a perpetual smile on their face, they remind people to not take themselves or their problems too seriously. Yellows would prefer not to work at all, unless their work was fun, playful, or creative. They love nature, and often have concerns for the survival of wildlife and the environment. Dogs are very drawn to Yellows and often become their best friends.

Oh man. Now I know why dogs love me soo much. Animal Magnetism. Hahahaha.

Sensitive Tan means... The Sensitive Tan is the bridge between the mental colors and the emotional colors. Their auras are a combination of a light tan color with a light blue band next to it that encircles the body. Their personalities are a subtle combination of the mental Tan qualities and the emotional Blue qualities.
Sensitive Tans incorporate the characteristics of mental, analytical logic with loving and intuitive compassion. These gentle personalities are quiet, sensitive and supportive. They prefer, like Logical Tans, to maintain a rational, intellectual foundation while they analytically process data. Sensitive Tans are more emotional and intuitive than Logical Tans, but they tend to keep their feelings to themselves. When a problem arises, Sensitive Tans will retreat inside to figure out the most practical solution.

Ohmigod! This is sooo true!

Green means... Greens are some of the most powerful and intelligent people in the aura spectrum. Greens are extremely bright. They process information and ideas quickly; jumping from steps one to ten. They do not like dealing with all the steps and details in between.
A project that is too detailed is tedious and boring for Greens . They prefer to develop an idea, organize a plan, and then delegate someone else to take care of the details.
Greens are very drawn to money, power, and business. These quick-thinkers are very organized and efficient. They write lists and efficiently check off the items on the list as they are completed. Greens recognize patterns and discover solutions very quickly.
When Greens are in their power, they can accomplish anything. They love to set goals and are determined to achieve them. Greens are “movers and shakers” when it comes to taking action. They are also typically the workaholics on the planet.
Greens are highly competitive and enjoy challenges. They thrive on taking risks. Gambling is common for Greens , especially if there is a potential for large winnings. Being strong-willed, these powerful personalities are determined to have their own way, which they usually feel is the right way. A person is rarely able to win an argument with Greens.

In short, this sums up S. Hemalatha.Lol.

Finally, violet means...Violets are the inspirational visionaries, leaders and teachers who are here to help save the planet. Most Violets feel drawn to educate the masses, to inspire higher ideals, to improve the quality of life on the planet, or to help save people, animals and the environment.
All Violets have an inner sense that they are here to do something important, that their destiny is greater than that of the average person. Most Violets have felt this way since childhood. As children, many Violets imagined becoming famous, or traveling the planet, possibly joining humanitarian causes such the Peace Corp. Many of these charismatic personalities take on roles as leaders and teachers, while other Violets prefer to reach people through music, film or other art form.
Because this era is currently the "Violet Age," any Violets who are not accomplishing what they came here to do are experiencing an inner “push” — even an inner “earthquake.” Inner forces seem to be shaking them up and pushing them to move into action, to fulfill their life purpose. Violets know they are here to do something significant. However, they aren't always sure what that something is or how to accomplish it. Many Violets were taught as children that their dreams and aspirations were unrealistic, so they have lost touch with their original visions. It's important for Violets to reconnect with their life purpose and vision, and to take action. Otherwise they will always feel unfulfilled. They will always sense something is missing from their lives. Violets need to learn to slow down long enough to listen to their inner voice and to connect with their higher vision.

God, I am having difficulty breathing. This aura test is sooo creepy! This shows the other part of me, the part that only those who REALLY, REALLY know me, KNOWS! God, CREEPY!

2007-12-29T20:29:00.000-08:00

I do not understand what is the deal with the adults on my mother's side. It is no problem if their kids want to spend their time elsewhere but I do not have a mind on my own? I loved seeing the shock on Police mama's face when I insisted that I am going to spend the New Year's eve at Durga ka's house. I mean, what is the big deal? I feel soo much more appreciated and loved there. I want this year to be spent with people I love and adore. This IS going to be a new year and I wanna start it with a bang. I mean it. I still do not get it why it is sooo big a matter when Gowri attai is sooo happily stating that Sathish is gonna spend his new year with HIS friends. Aargh! The complexities of life. It is difficult to comprehend it.
Lol, anyways cannot wait for tomorrow. It is gonna be a whole NEW YEAR! I cannot wait, the challenges, the surprises. The mere fact that I am growing up. Haha. It is gonna be well spent though. Meeting Saras and Archanna at Orchard to go SHOPPING! Then, the movie marathon at Durga ka's. One hell of a New year's Eve!
Oh, ya. Haha. Once again, came across a poem that I completely associated myself with. Wanted to type it down. So, here goes nothing.

Especially by Me
by Jennifer Leigh Youngs

In the midst of work or play,
I sometimes fade,
And think of the time when I couldn't laugh,
When nothing good was noticed,
Especially by me.

I was a girl who cared too much
and lived through others' tangled lives,
Weaving their crosses through my heart,
But nothing made a difference,
Especially for me.

Now I look at all I've done
to find my happiness in others,
Singing songs that weren't mine,
But somehow left impressions,
Especially on me.

I don't need others' joy or pain
to make my life whole or complete,
I laugh or cry, and it's all mine,
As is all the love which I'm now sharing
Especially with me.

I am glad that I have found that out at least now. I am going to start living for myself from today onwards!

2007-12-26T19:05:00.000-08:00

I think I am really going to get a cardiac arrest the way things are going. Not a single effing school has called me back for relief teaching. It really sucks because my dear alumni maters are the ones who are acting all sophisticated and asking me to send my resume. Aargh! To put it in their words, " To keep it in our database." Double Aargh! I am soo peeved! Who says that it is easy finding a job? And it is all crap when your alumni maters say that they are ready to help us whenever they can. Probably the schools around Yishun keep to their promise. Archanna got her relief teaching even though she called almost three weeks after I did. That's luck. The luck I am getting right now is like shit. Probably I am not cut out for teaching. But that is BULLSHIT! I absolutely adore kids and there is such joy in teaching them. Erm... but I prefer teaching kids with special needs. Cos they are extra-special! Anyways, if I am not good with kids, why does everyone keep on telling me that I am soo good with kids and that I will make a great mother someday?! Aargh! The steam is emitting out from both sides of my ears!
On the other hand, I found out the most amazing thing yesterday! I have finally achieved the flat stomach I was craving and dying for for the past few years! Yippee!I feel so proud. Now, I really like looking at myself in the mirror. Finally! Something about me that resembles the thing I love most in the world, a dancer!Sighsss....
Went out with Vins, Rups and Nans yesterday. Watched I Am Legend. WILL SMITH IS SOOO HOT, it is unbelievable. By the way, the movie is GREAT!I loved the storyline! Haha. After that, we went to stuff our faces at KFC. Then, it was over:( So fast ah, Vins? Next time, should spend a longer time together, k?

2007-12-20T18:30:00.000-08:00

Oh, man. The outing with Jes ka and Durga ka was not only fun, it was enlightening too. We were bitching non stop but it was sooo fun. For once, I need not have to care that whatever that I am telling them in secrecy will be leaked out. I felt totally at peace. Haha. So, this IS how it feels to have older sisters. I feel great. Sooo glad that we are bonding now, before it is too late. Probably God sent that devil to wreck the relationships with my maternal cousins ( Is there such a word?). Perhaps he was gently nudging us in the other direction. He was showing us something, I guess. That aside, I think I have a tendency to crush on people who come with a ready made problem. First there was Suria ( nope, no longer care who reads this and goes babbling all over) and then, there was that HUGE problem. Now, this.... I must watch my back cos I have a TREMENDOUS flaw of falling for the Casanova. Aargh! And, I cannot believe I had such FALSE, TERRIBLE accusations thrown at me! Does she think she is some sort of saint?! Probably she is that type of girl but I AM BLOODY NOT! God, WHY would I even SAY that? I mean, come on. I had been called a snob, a bossy brat, pampered( which I am and proud of it!) but NEVER, EVER .... Aargh! I know I promised that she will not get to me but I am just SOOOO DAMN PISSED! Akkas, both of you are SOOO right! This one is a total, breathing BITCH! And, ya, she is from the deepest depths of hell. The only problem is that she has not fully seen the likes of me. If she does not like anyone, she stops at no means to ruin that person? Well, erm... she is messing with the wrong person. I may look all goody on the outside but I can be a real bitch if I wanna be. Gosh, I am trembling with fury now. Good Lord, I have to stop now before I start breathing fire.

2007-12-17T18:42:00.000-08:00

Ma will definitely have a freak attack if she sees me now. I am blogging, listening to my mp3, singing along to it and organising the games for the Christmas Party all at the same time. I think I just bought a whole new meaning to multi-tasking. Haha. Today has been a well spent morning thus far. Woke up and felt like cleaning something and since I have already washed, scrubbed my toilet till it is sparkling clean last week, decided to clean the prayer room. Ma bought flowers so I 'decorated' the prayer room. I mean, that is my job every Friday so might as well spread it to Tuesdays as well. Something has gotten into me! I am becoming a girly GIRL! I really do not know if that is a good thing or a bad one. Come to think about it, it is not my fault that I am so tomboyish cos I did grew up with guys. I never really had an elder sister at that time. Of course, now I do but at that time, I was always with Vijay anna, Siva anna and Arun anna. When Sathish was born, I prided in being his older sister. Now, when I am pondering, I just realized with a jolt that the first game I did play was soccer and to top it , Pa is a great soccer player. So, I guess it just sums it up. Erm.... I think the only girly thing I loved was skirts and that passion has not wavered in the least. Have 20 skirts and counting! Nans, Shamini, Shalini, Bella, they all had me to look up to as their older sister and I feel kinda proud. People can poison minds to wreck relationships but memories are something really special and can never be destroyed. I am glad I have those memories and am hopeful that when the girls look back at some point of their lives, they realize I was the first real sister they had when they were growing up and that I had made at least a bit of impact on their lives. I am not complaining about my childhood, I honestly think I have one to boast about but still.... Probably if I had had an older sister at that time, I might have been a bit more feminine.... Heck, still glad that I had turned out this way. Nans was sooo sweet the other night, she made me cry. She said that she is like that cos of me and that she has always looked up to me and wanted to be just like me cos I was perfect and that all her attainments were partly cos of me. I was sooo touched. I think that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me. Damn, now I am sobbing. I am soo grateful for Jes ka and Durga ka. At least I have some older sisters now. And, am loving it!:)

2007-12-17T02:42:00.000-08:00

Aargh! Sooo bored, again! In the name of fun, decided to do another string of Tickle tests. It sure makes ME feel good and I have never felt more satisfied with myself than ever! Sighzzz....

What Color Is Your Aura?
Turquoise!

We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Turquoise vibe. Turquoise types are often intelligent, energetic leaders. Vibrant and dynamic, you take center stage wherever you go; people are naturally drawn in by your charismatic nature. You love to learn, and you excel at remembering facts and figures. More than likely, you're a go-getter with your eyes on the prize. Respect and influence tend to come to you easily, but that doesn't mean you sit around waiting for them. What fun is achieving something if getting there isn't a challenge? Always pushing your limits, you'd be a natural on Survivor — a healthy competitive instinct and a willingness to take risks means you usually reach your goals. You like to look, feel, and act your best; if all those ducks are in a row, nothing's gonna get in your way.

The ESP Test
An unusually strong talent in the area of Precognition!

This means you have an uncanny ability to look into the future and know ahead of time what is going to happen. You might, for instance, simply know that you're going to get that job before the interview even happens with a certainty that exceeds what you would expect to have simply knowing the facts of the situation. You might have a sense of dread before going out for the evening only to later have a flat tire on your way home. These little hunches are easy to ignore but for you especially, quite often lead to a true prediction of what is going to happen. These predictions can be used to generate positive outcomes, and the more you know about how to use your talent, the more you will be able to distinguish between fantasy of the future and an actual reality you are seeing happen, before it has actually happened.

What's my dream theme?
Mastery!

You're dreaming about maximizing opportunities and achieving well-deserved success. This means that in some area of your waking life, you are adequately prepared and things are working out just the way you want. Dreams are the stories your unconscious narrates each night as you sleep.

Damn and the computer has to stall now! Sighzzz.... Well, I guess that's it then.

2007-12-12T23:01:00.000-08:00

Well, the sleepover at Saras's house was damn cool! I was the earliest to arrive there, helped her to get the stuff ready. Pretty soon , the rest of the girls arrived. Only Shruthi and I were dressed according to the theme, Fairy Princess gone Goth. Lol, there was nothing goth bout me, wore my pink skirt and the white blouse, looked kinda sweet though I say so myself. *giggles* Suba had to go all motherly on me and asked me why I do not wear make-up to enhance, to put in her words exactly, " my already very pretty face". Well, no comment but make-up is just sooo disgusting. I am already stuck with wearing the weird stuff during dance performances, I am not wearing it on a everyday basis. Now, I have gone off the track. Well, we all baked the Oreo cheesecake under the supervision of Saras. lol, it was fun. Shalini was busy licking off the frothing, so not my thing! Hahahahaha. Shanthi made Mee Goreng for us, it was nice. Then, we played a few games. The best part was when we watched the Hindi film from 3.30 to 6.30 in the morning! Forgot the title of the film but it was a cool one, made me think what if we find our soul mates after marriage. Well I for one, will not break the marriage unlike what Sharuk Khan and Rani Mukerjii did in the movie. But, just got me thinking, that's all.... Affairs are a disgusting thing. The very least someone should do if the find their true love after their marriage is to file for a divorce then do all the crap they wanna do. Sighzzz.... But, it is a wonder how easily people can slip into affairs.
Anyway, only had one hour of sleep on Tuesday. Came home and met up with Ma for lunch. Slept like a pig for another two hours in the evening. Then, Ma and Nandhini had a strong urge to visit the temple. I wanted to sleep but in fear of the wrath of Ma, decided to tag along. Glad I did for some reason. *sighsss*
Well, the next day was pretty cool too. Had a movie marathon with Ma and Nans. Watched Charlotte's Web, cried like shit over that movie, watched some horror gore movie after that, then ended with 30 Days Of Night. Drooled over Josh Harnett. Nans is right, I have no fear of anything, well, maybe except cats but that's it. Pretty cool, come to think about it... Hahahaha. This hols has been a eye opener for me. Appreciating myself more and more. Loves!

Wanna go out with Jes ka and Durga ka. Screwing up my brain for the ideal date. But, am feeling like shit. Got the entire works, fever, flu , sore throat. Aargh! I hate it when I am sick! Think has to do with the lack of sleep. Sighsss.... Whatever.....

2007-12-09T19:43:00.000-08:00

Oh, man. And I thought I will be updating my blog more now that As are finally over. Aargh! Never mind, I have been busying myself with outings after outings. Lol. I think my blog is becoming more like a travel diary now, but heck. Erm.... where did I last stop? Oh, yeah.... On the 28 of November....k, Nandhini's friend Nandu(hahahaha) came over to group study but I managed to pester her to follow us to the movies. Of course, she agreed, never underestimate the power of Hema's speech. Lol. Janu met us at northpoint. She looked sooo different! I guess the red highlights had done the trick. We watched The Bee movie, it was kinda cute. Then, of course, my dear Nans had to take her famous neoprints. So, we did that. Nans and her neoprint collection! Sighzzz....
The next day was the best! We had extra dance class at 6.30 so my dance babes and I decided to meet earlier to cause some havoc! Haha. Dana, Nans and myself met at three and made our way to Mos Burger to have a late lunch. Shamu and Arul joined us later. Arul is soo not one of my dance mates but he is like the best younger brother I have got! So, then... the fun began! We went to the arcade and we spent 60 bucks there! But, it was soooo much fun, worth the money. There was this hammer thingy and we had a bet among ourselves as to who was the strongest. Guess who won? Nans! It was hilarious, she hit it sooo lightly but it went all the way to the top! There was a group of Chinese guys surrounding us, they were shell-shocked! I had to go all crazy, held Nans' hand high up and started yelling ," she hit 300, she hit 300!" It was funny. Then, of course we danced our hearts out, though we were giggling half the time. It was a great day but the fun was just beginning!
We went to Penang on Monday with Shamu and Arul's family. Ohmigod! It was the best est of the best est! The first day was quite calm, we just lounged in the hotel rooms which was sooo cool cos we, kids, had one room all to ourselves! Haha, I laughed till my sides ached! Arul is so, indefinitely FUNNY!
Tuesday was the BEST day of my entire life. First, we went to the Spice Garden and of course, I was acting like a tour guide. Even I had no idea how much I knew about plants. The smell was heavenly, the freshness of the place was breathtaking! The day just got better and better. I managed to manipulate everyone into going to the butterfly farm. It was the most beautiful place! There were butterflies EVERYWHERE! I was in heaven! I think about 6 of them sat on my palm, they were unbelievably gorgeous! Then, we went for the show and it was even more cool! I held all sorts of insects on my palm. Lets see, there was a stick insect, a leaf insect, a salamander and a scorpion! I was fully aware of my uniqueness that day cos I was the first one to hold the scorpion and of course, the only female species! Haha. All hail the Great Hema! Then, came the greatest part! There was a python, my favourite thing in the entire world! Of course, I held it, cooed to it, played with it. Its name is Amy and it had such intricate patterns on it, it was beautiful! Then, we went back to the hotel for a swim. It was sooo refreshing! Then, we went to the Little India of Penang, where I got my first saree! The colours are sooo pretty! Then, Shamu, Arul, Nans and myself spoke,gossiped,bitched till 2 at night! FUN!

The other two days were just as great. I am finally released from the kingdom of boredom and thrown into the world of FUN! Great, now I am going all metaphorical. Today is sleepover at Saras'. Cant wait!

2007-11-27T20:19:00.000-08:00

A levels are finally over and I am bored stiff already. I am just waiting for the days to pass cos I am utterly, completely bored! Damn, I have no idea how some people can stand lazing around. The worst thing is that I was waiting for these days to arrive, and now that it is here.... I have no idea as to how to spend it fruitfully. But, it will be bull if I denied that I had fun these few days. Cos, I did! Haha, it is kinda great to feel that the whole day is stretched infront of you and there are seemingly endless opportunities. Well, I wanna break down what I have been doing the past few days.
Erm... right after my last paper, which was last Thursday, I went to watch Enchanted with the 'soccer gang', Sateesh, Shailu, Suren, Nanz and myself. Suren was so hilarious, everytime there was a kissing scene( which is secretly my favourite part*winks*), he screamed 'aiyoh' and turned away. That was funny. The whooper came when Nanz kept on turning towards him and saying," Close your eyes, baby. You cant see such things..." in that annoying motherly voice of hers. Funny! Hahaha, but the movie was great! It was so subtly romantic but at the same time, hilarious! I think it is one of those movies that will be wonderful for a first date. Glad I watched it! Oh, ya.... after that we met ma at 'This Fashion' where we had to have an incident with two chinese idiots, who had the freaking guts to say something along the lines of us copying their style of fashion. No offense or anything but erm... earring were actually our CULTURE to begin with. Ahem. Ya, Nanz got herself a turquise blouse,in which she looked deliciously sexy. Haha, eat your hearts out, fellow brothers!
On Friday, we decided to honour Metro with our presence. Haha. I got myself a denim skirt, which costs 30 bucks. Boo hoo! My money, out of the window. But, I looked hot, even if I say so myself. Finally, I am willing to show some legs.*double winks* Then, bought some new shoes that cost me another 20 bucks! Whaaaa.... But, once again, it was worth it.... Haha, I am finally undergoing metarmorphosis! Hurray!
Saturday, the normal drill.... Dance, Vocal lessons. Then, went for some Deepavali function. Wore that skirt! It felt sooo great when it brushed past my bare skin. Haha.
Sunday was the greatest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In the morning, went for prayers at Ravi uncle's house. Literally, had to drag myself out of bed to get dressed but wore my all time favourite hot pink punjabi suit! Haha. Well, alot of people went into trance. I met this great girl whose name I still have difficulty pronouncing.Lol. Sunday night was my favourite. We went for the Oli show and I saw Saravanav Ayyavoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!He is soooooo hot! I dont know, he looks sooo intelligent! And, he is sooo funny. I laughed till my sides ached. Raj kept calling him mama! Like, whatever. He took a picture with him, it is stored in my phone. sighzzzzz.... I danced like crazy that night. My sexy moves are back! Even Sathish said it. And getting a compliment from Sathish is saying something! Haha. I felt sooo wonderful. and, Saravanan Ayyavoo is delish!

Cant wait to have more fun!

2007-11-20T01:17:00.000-08:00

Hey,hey,hey. I am back with a bang! Lol. It has almost been a month since I blogged. Well, it was the As. Haha. I cant believe I am saying this but it is almost over! I only got my Bio Paper 1, a.k.a.MCQ to complete. And, that is on Thursday. Haha, after that I am finally free, well at least temporarily, or should I say transiently? Haha, too much studying of Bio. I honestly think I have gone off the hooker. Well, it happens when you study your brains off for a particular period of time. But, I honestly think I am the world's worst A level student possible. Everyone kept on asking me if I had studied or not. I watched two movies at the theatre, Resident Evil: Extinction and Bratz, during the course of the As. Went for Swensens ice-cream with Sree and Saras, revisited Swensens again, but this time with Nandhini, Sheela sitti and Bella another day. Stayed up really late, say 3 or 4 in the morning, not studying but gossiping with sheela sitti and Nan. Went deepavali visiting for a whole week. Studied for Bio Paper 3 and Econs really, really,last minute.(Literally, the day before:) Went shopping all around Singapore. Honestly, I think I had more fun during As. I hope my results turn out fine cos I did work my butt off.

Well, gotta go. But, will be uploading loads and loads of pics soooon! Ciao!

2007-10-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

One hour break before I jump straight into the sea of studying. I decided to doa string of nonsense tests. All in the name of fun. Lol.

What moves ME?

You're most moved by life's big deals — births, deaths, weddings, and more. Not prone to waterworks for just any old reason, you're expressive when it counts. From deeply solemn events to joyous occasions, you don't hide how much you're affected. And with your ability to keep a stiff upper lip, it shouldn't be a surprise that friends come to you for consolation in hard times. Though you enjoy a good laugh, you're at your best when things get serious. People look up to you for your perspective and appreciate that you usually know the right thing to do and the best way to do it. And where would they be without you?

Oh really? I thought I was a cry baby. Hahahaha...

What is my NIGHTMARE career?

How would you like to spend every single day sitting on your bum by yourself, driving long hours, just to deliver giant quantities of who-knows-what? And then once you get there, it's time to drive back. Torture, right? We suspect a social butterfly like you would probably last about a day before giving up the open road for real people. Old friends, new acquaintances, family members, interesting strangers — it doesn't matter to you as long as you've got someone to talk with.Sure, you like to live life in the driver's seat, but not this way. Instead, you're much more suited to a job where you can interact with others and be part of the team. After all, that's when all your best ideas come out. And even though you appreciate occasional "you" time, you usually prefer to have people around to keep you on your toes and share ideas with. Otherwise, it'd be too lonely out there!

Oh my god, this is soooo true! I will just die if I have such a job. No offense to the career but I am sooo not the person for it!

What is my true talent?

Your ability to look at information abstractly means you have a rich imagination. You're one of those rare people who can mix two unrelated ideas together to come up with a great new one. Most people aren't as skillful as you are at applying knowledge outside of its usual context.How do we know that's your true talent? While you were taking the test, we calculated your responses to each test question and rated your skills in 5 areas. You scored highest on abstract reasoning.Your combination of strategic thinking and creativity can be an incredible value in both business and social environments.

Okaay, this DOES sound like me. Lol.

What is my divine inspiration?

While some people think exercise is torture, it inspires you to go for the gold. Staying in shape gives you added confidence and strength in everything you do. Whether you're exercising to blow off steam, relieve stress, boost endorphins, or lift your spirit, you like to be good to your body so that it can, in turn, be good to you.Do you test yourself in kickboxing class, trail running, or practicing yoga poses? Whatever your regimen calls for, you have a determined spirit and an adventurous heart, and you probably don't need a ton of prodding or reminding to stay on track. After all, your mind is usually at its sharpest when cleared by a great workout — even the simple commitment to improve yourself is a confidence boost.

Erm.... let me think. Am I a fitness freak? I am going vegetarian, go running twice a week, dance once each week and if possible, I swim once a week. Okayyy la. Not bad. Only God knows why my body is still the same. Aargh!

2007-10-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

Oh my god, I cannot believe that it is eleven and I am busy blogging. I guess I just wanna clear my mind. I think way too much into things. Hence, the reason for my tensed personality. I feel soo bad for blowing up at Eulisia without even realizing what she actually meant. Vins and I were supposed to be best friends for ever but I do not think that is actually working out. Is it true? Can you stay best friends with someone forever? I think the only person that I have stayed as close as possible is Nans. True friends, real sisters. I guess it is true that blood runs thicker than water.
Let me think about the besties I had for the time I have spent on Earth. Erm... firstly, I had Sathish who I grew up with. Then, I had Arati, Dheesha and Nithiya for my primary school days. I have no idea how they are now. Then I had Greta and Vino in Secondary school. They hated each others guts but stuck close to me. Now.... I shall leave that hanging. In JC, I had no besties but I have alot of close friends. I am going to take all sort of means to ensure that I keep in contact with them.
So, yeah, I went out with my class on Friday! After graduation.It was a pity Eul wasnt there. Anyways, we dined at Cafe Cartels or something like that. I am sooo proud of my will power! I have been vegetarian for three whole weeks and when we went to dine there, I ordered salad whilst all my friends ate delicious, yummy non-vegetarian food! I still stuck to my beliefs though. Yay! I love my determination! :)
I wanna be free so I am going to start by TELLING THE TRUTH:)
1. I may look tough but I am VERY SENSITIVE.
2. I never had a boyfriend and yes, I used to be ashamed of it, but no longer.
3. I think that I am not loved AT TIMES.
4. I hate LIARS more than anything.
5. I tend to get JEALOUS very fast but I am coping with that.
Well that took a bit of guts. There is still more but it can wait for another day.
* Hey, ppl, tell me what are your three favourite smells in the world?! I wanna know, I know it sounds crazy. Mine are the smell of rain, of freshly mown grass and the smell of freshly printed pages! Hahahaha...*

2007-10-11T01:11:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is graduation day. I am finally no longer a Yishun Junior College student. Hahaha. The irony of life has never ceased to amaze me. Only I know how long I have been waiting for this day, to be finally free. But then, when it is finally here, I feel sooo heart-broken and I want those school days to last longer. When I saw the presentation that Michelle and Sharon have done for the class, I was on the verge of tears. It was so heart warming. It is true, college days are something soo special. I think everyone should be given a chance to have that tinkling feeling. I have never met a nicer( and weirder) group of people in my life before. I doubt I will never, ever forget the unique individuals I have met in YJ. Damn, I am tearing up now. I wanted to give all of my classmates something, a symbol of reminisce. but, then Eulisia and Mdm Tay passed tokens to us and I feel confused. I swear I had that idea for as long as I can remember and I told it to Saras. Saras is bringing muffins down, I think. I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO GIVE. Hmmmm... I am not exactly creative, so I am having a nervous breakdown now. Damn, I hope I get an idea sooon.... Cos, graduation day is tomorrow! Yikes!
Well, proceeding on.... I hate it when my feelings are right. I know everyone is going to think that I am deeming to be 'special' but I have pretty good instincts. When Eulisia passed out those pretty stuff and I took a look at what the others got, I knew that it has some significance. Hello? Saras was not in school today and I had to hold on to her stuff too, so I can make a pretty fair comparison. Then, Joanna's were all white when ours were coloured. Well, that is not my business. But to indicate that I am not "liked as a friend" because I am close to Jo. Well... I am not saying anything about it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I know that Jo has said bad stuff about me behind my back , I know it. But, then again Pam went bad mouthing me to Eulisia, Jo and Guan Yu last year. But, I am not holding it against her cos PEOPLE CHANGE. I have come to like Pam alot as a good friend. I am glad I sat next to her in class and got to know her better, cos she is a pretty good friend.
Okay, now I have let my feelings take over. I am not angry, just really, really hurt.Wow, this year has been one complete with hurt feelings. Well, I guess you are liked by some and not that much by others. I cannot hold that against anybody.
Like myself. I have come to like some people more that others. Though I do not really hang around with them. Firstly, Sree has the hugest impact on me. He may be a jerk but he is a good jerk. Haha. Then,Jo. She is just ... different but I like that difference. Then, haha, Mr.Farhan who is ultra nice without trying at all. I think he is the greatest among us. Then, lo and behold, Keith. I have never met a more confident, funny guy. ( Addie is going to kill me for typing this down.) Ming Jie and Xiang Ren, the craziest, lamest guys in the world. They never fail to crack me up. Hmmm.... Oh ya, sweet innocent Syayma. She will always remain in my heart. And of course, my partner in crime for skipping school, SARAS! Lol. Yeah, I will miss others too like loud Pam,silent Sharon, Wacky Michelle, Mysterious Azizah, pretty Eulisia and Mr good guy Wei Hao. But, I guess life has to go on. Haha but I sincerely hope that fate will keep 214 together... Lol...

2007-09-29T02:05:00.000-07:00

Ha. Time to take a breather, I guess. Though I was still researching on my stupid bio thingy. Though I hate to admit that it was very exciting. It was soo cool to actually know that we share a small percentage of our DNA with reptiles! Damn cool right. It just goes on to show that God created all of us the same damn way. So, we have to treat everyone the same, blah, blah.
That day my mother came back from her work to say that her kindergarten was starting the enrollment for next year. She also said that there is this girl called Susan who has Downs Syndrome who will be starting nursery next year. Then, my mother dropped the bombshell that she was suffering from leukaemia. And, I know for a fact that that is the worst kind of cancer there is. I felt sooo helpless. I have not even seen this girl but I badly want to help her. I want to reach out to her. I feel sooo frustrated that I cannot do anything to make her life, at least a bit more better. I shudder to think about the pain and the suffering she has gone through. WHY MUST SHE SUFFER? There are so many people out there with twisted minds and stoned hearts. So many adults. Why cant they suffer? Those who deserve it? I know that there is whole shit about people frying their asses off in hell. But, that is soo after death. Why should children suffer. For that, I know there is another whole piece of crap about retribution and all.
Dont get me wrong. I believe a lot in that. It is just that I feel sooo frustrated when I BLOODY CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO HELP! If anyone has does a review on the diseases that is pouncing upon the world,they can clearly see that majority of the diseases are due to BLOODY GENETIC FACTORS! The only disease that gives the sufferers exactly what they deserve is AIDS. If you wanna sleep around, then you pay for it. Even in that instance, the babies, who are the poor, innocent bystanders, are at the receiving end too. Damn this world and is injustice. Sorry, damn Mankind and the things they have brought upon themselves and all other things living on Earth.
And the deal with education? I know it is supposed to enlighten and all but when you know more, you lose a bit more of your innocence. And in this world that lacks innocence, all we need now is more education. I hope there will be a day when purity rules the world once more.